Dens and i got married in December of 2004. Exactly 1 year after, i became pregnant with our first baby. I remember the night i took my pregnancy test. It was around 11pm and the whole family was there. I still remember the scene when i came out of the bathroom with the positive pregnancy test. Everybody was so happy. My dad's eyes welled up in tears and Dens was literally jumping up and down for joy.
After a smooth 9 months, i went into labor the afternoon of October 5, 2006. It was such a wonderful day as i excitedly called up my parents to tell them that our baby, Tyler, was ready to come out. My mom, Dens, and I rushed to the hospital. I didn't experience any pain no fear at all. It was just pure excitement.
After 12 hours of labor, the baby's fetal heart rate started to drop at every contraction. So after some tests, they decided it was best to deliver him via caesarean section.
Tyler came out on October 6. He came out with facial palsy on the right side of his face and he did not cry the whole time. After several tests, they found that he had problems with the brain and heart which are 2 very vital organs.
On the 4th week, we had a very heartbreaking meeting with the doctors. They told us that most of Tyler's problems were incurable and that my son was already deteriorating. The pain of hearing that news was more than i can ever explain.
Eventually, Tyler had to be intubated and placed on a respirator as he had difficulty breathing on his own. We were truly hoping then that he would improve so that we can successfully remove the tube after only a few days.
November 24 was my husband's birthday. That morning, i prayed that God would grant us a beautiful day with Tyler. When i went to visit him, Tyler was wide awake. I placed my hand inside the incubator and Tyler just grabbed my finger. He held on so tightly as if he didn't want me to go. The nurses were amazed and told me that it was not normally how Tyler would respond to them. They said that it was as if he knew it was me holding him. I played with Tyler for the first time that day. I cried so much tears of joy. God granted my prayer. It was indeed a beautiful beautiful day.
A month after Tyler was intubated, we had another meeting with the doctors and they advised us if we'd like to just cut a hole through Tyler's throat so that the tube can be removed. However, the hole may be permanent as Tyler may never learn to breathe without difficulty on his own. Furthermore, there was no guarantee how long he can live even with the hole. We decided against surgery as it would just make it more difficult for Tyler. We didn't want to see him grow up not being able to enjoy simple things that other children are enjoying like eating and breathing without assistance. But since we cannot leave the tube for too long, the doctros said we had to make a decision soon.
After much prayers and discussion, we decided that should Tyler accidentally remove the tube on his own, then we would not re-intubate anymore. And with that decision, we continued to pray so hard that God would heal Tyler.
On December 7, the nursery called us up early in the morning to tell us that the tube was out. They asked us to rush to the hospital as Tyler may only hold out for a few minutes to an hour. When we got to the hospital, Tyler had very labored breathing. I can see that my son was really fighting to survive.
That day, after waiting for 2 months, i got to carry Tyler for the first time. I cried so much as i knew it may be the first and the last time i'd get to cuddle my baby in my arms. Before we knew it, the minutes turned into hours and it was already the morning of December 8. Tyler made it through the night. That day, Tyler's condition became more stable. I didn't want to leave him that night but since we had very little sleep the past days, we decided to go home and rest for a while. We left the hospital at 1am of December 9.
Around 8:45am, the nursery called us up to say we needed to rush back to the hospital as Tyler's oxygen level was going down. Dens and i rushed to the hospital and arrived in less than 30 mins. We were already at the parking lot when the doctor called us up to say we were already too late. We ran to the nursery and the first time i saw Tyler, he looked like he was just sleeping. I kept on praying and asking God to give him back to us. I even tried to wake Tyler up. But God had other plans. After 2 months and 3 days, God took Tyler back home.
So here's more of what really happened during those 2 months. What i didn't tell you earlier was that God was very present during that very trying time in our lives.
All throughout the 2 months of Tyler's life, i got a lot closer to God. I found myself excitedly reading the Bible and fervently praying to God. Our church learned a lot about prayer and the members started praying like they've never prayed before. So when Tyler joined the Lord, i had so many questions. There were just so many people praying for Tyler's complete healing. Why didn't the Lord answer?
The day before God took Tyler home, i got to talk to one of our church members (Mila). She shared with me that God had impressed upon her that Tyler will be healed on December 9. True enough, God took Tyler home on that exact date.
Now i understood better. Now i know that God did answer our prayers. Tyler is indeed completely healed. Maybe not in the way we wanted, but God knows best. It is true that His ways are higher than ours.
I know that God does not make mistakes. Although I may not fully understand His purpose for all of these, I know one thing for sure. God had used Tyler to bring our family and a lot of our friends closer to Him. And i will not waste Tyler's life by pulling away from the Lord.
Sometimes we would ask if all those prayers for Tyler were in vain. One thing i know for sure. Those prayers were what kept us going all throughout those 2 months. Through the prayers of our love ones, God answered by using several people to minister to us and give us hope during those seemingly hopeless days.
The night we had our memorial service for Tyler was the first time our church has ever been filled to its full capacity. I had been invited to some churches in Makati and Davao to share God's love through my son's life. God has truly been using Tyler to open doors for us to minister to other people.
It has been a year since then. And i will not be honest if i say i am now 100% okay. It still hurts so much to see all of Tyler's little clothes washed and ready to be used. And to see his fully furnished room and all the things we have prepared for him. But God has given me so much comfort and promises. One of which is found in Jeremiah 29:11. It says "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
And i praise God because there is indeed hope after the storm. My mom would always tell me that cyring may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
[Blogged November 28, 2007]
Letter to Heaven - written on Tyler's 5th Birthday
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