>> Friday, April 29, 2016 – acts of service, book, book review, books, family activity, gifts, kids, love, love language, physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation
Last night during our pillow talk session with the kids, I asked both my children two important questions.
1. Do you think Mommy loves you?
2. What makes you say that mommy loves you? (assuming, of course, that they answered YES to the first question)
Both of them said yes to the first question without hesitation. They were a little bit confused with the second question so I gave them choices based on the Five Love Languages.
Do you feel most loved by Mom when I:
a. Give you gifts (Gifts) - they both shaked their heads no, which is quite surprising for little kids who loves receiving gifts.
b. Say "I love you" to you (Words of Affirmation) - my 5-year old girl was quiet but my 8-year old said "Not really because anyone can say that"
c. Watch a movie with you or play with you (Quality Time) - to this my 5-year old girl excitedly said "Yes! Yes! Spend time with us! Family time!" and my son thought about it a little bit but asked if there were more choices.
d. Embrace you (Physical Touch) - my 5-year old girl said "I like that too!". My 8-year old son, on the other hand, just laughed.
e. Give you a bath or tutor you? (Acts of Service) - my excited 5-year old said "I only like it when you take a bath with me!" which leads me to think it was more quality time than acts of service. But what my 8-year old son said was quite surprising and enlightening to me. He said "I think that one! Because when you do something for us, it's not like you really like to do it. Like when you tutor me, you don't like it but you do it because you love me and you want me to learn"
My daughter's answers were pretty much on point. She really loves spending time with us and looks forward to our weekly family movie time and bible study. Throughout these moments, she loves to cuddle with the entire family. So Physical Touch was also not a surprise too.
With Troy, I have always suspected that his love language was Acts of Service even when he was small. I noticed that whenever I get to feed him and give him baths during our family vacations or on weekends, he would always be so attached to me. But when I go back to the office and his yaya does most of it, he would gravitate towards her. It was not so much the time spent together but that he appreciated that I was making the effort to feed and bathe him. He would even ask me then if I also gave him a bath when he was a baby.
Troy is now 8 and do not need us to feed or bathe him anymore. Our acts of service now come in the form of teaching him his lessons (tutor), helping him build a lego project, or cooking something he likes to eat.
I learned so much from Gary Chapman's Five Languages of Love (that I shared on a post in 2012). I might read that book again now that I have identified my children's love language.
I encourage you to try the same Q & A with your children and zero in on their love language. Read the book if you want to learn more. Making your kids feel loved is always a worthy investment!