Limiting the Use of Gadgets - Parents Edition

Once in a while, Dens and I would have talks with our children on how we can do better as parents. During one of our recent discussions, my 5-year old daughter said "I wish mommy would not look at her iPhone too much". Eeps! Dens has been telling me the same thing for quite some time now but hearing it from my children was truly a wake-up call.

Social media has admittedly been a great tool to stay in touch with friends.  It bridges the physical gap and allows us to stay connected with those we rarely see.  However, I also realized recently that constantly catching up with friends on social media has been making me lose face time with the people that I am physically with. With that, Dens and I have recently agreed to limit the use of our phones while we are with the family. We would check messages and respond to urgent ones but limit the chats to when we are alone or when the kids are busy with their own activities.

Doing so has made me more present for my children. I realized that being present can translate to something as simple as looking at my children's eyes when they are talking to me. It means I no longer respond to their questions while staring at the 2 x 5 screen on my hand. 

In this gadget-laden world where we, as parents, try to find means and ways to limit our children's screen time, I wonder what example we are modeling.

A few nights ago, as I was putting the kids to sleep, we sat on the bed as we usually do.  But on this particular night, I turned off my phone and placed them on the night table beside our bed.  I listened attentively as my children told me about their favorite animals and the toys they are currently saving up for. While I stared at their wide little eyes and the excited smiles on their faces, I remembered that childhood is fleeting. And with my gadget-free hands, I embraced my children and pray that they will always know how precious they are to me.

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100% Thumbsuck-free

Remember last May when I was telling you about how we got our 4-year old daughter, Dawn, to finally be 99% thumbuck-free (read here)?  And how our progress deteriorated two months later (read here)? Well, I am happy to report that we are now 100% thumbsuck-free!

 

I know a number of you also struggle with the same habits. I mean, not you personally (I hope) but your children. So let me share with you how we were able to overcome the elusive 1%.

 

I'd say our journey to be 100% thumbsuck-free involved a lot of prayers and some parenting trial and errors. The past months were pretty much a roller coaster ride for Dawn as far as her sleeping habits are concerned. There were nights when we'd be thumbsuck-free and then suddenly the next night we're back to the old habit. Through those nights, Dawn and I never stopped praying. Every night she'd pray that she will not thumbsuck anymore and I know she has tried her best to avoid it. While I know that God can miraculously help her stop to thumbsuck in a blink of an eye, I also know that sometimes God uses people and other means to help us achieve our goal. The key is to constantly trust in Him during the waiting period.

 

A month or so ago, a friend of mine shared how her daughter stopped to thumsuck after using Manicare's Bite No More solution. This treatment was actually formulated to stop nail biting but it worked for their daughter's thumbsucking habit. After only two weeks of continued use, their daughter was able to kick the bad habit. So my friend gave me the solution to try on Dawn.

source

We decided to give it a try during our recent trip to Baguio. I woke up extra early the morning of our trip and applied the treatment on Dawn's fingernails while she was sleeping.  I also placed some on my fingernail and tasted it hours later just so I know the effect on her. It tasted so bitter and left an awful taste in my mouth! I was a little concerned on how she would react but thought it was worth a shot anyway.

 

Dawn slept through most of the ride to Baguio in her car seat. When we woke up her during one of our stop overs, she told me she needed to go to the ladies room because she wanted to vomit. She never really vomited so I thought it was probably just her cough giving her the gag reflex.

 

That night, Dawn woke me in the middle of the night in tears. She said she feels sad because her cough is making her 'not enjoy' to thumbsuck (her words). She said 'Remember when I said I wanted to vomit in the car? It was because my mouth and throat felt ouchy after I thumbsuck' .  I believe she was referring to the lingering bitter taste but could not describe it. Anyhow, long story short, she said she will never thumbsuck again. And that was how we were able to overcome the final 1% and be 100% thumbsuck-free.

It's been over a week now and she has not even attempted to thumbsuck. The bitter memory (pun intended) of the day she wanted to vomit was just too awful to be repeated. I have not told her about the 'magic potion' and will probably not do so until a very long time. I may eventually tell her or she may find out once she starts reading this blog. Either way, I am sure she will be thankful that her thumbsucking ordeal is finally over.

To those of you with kids who are still struggling with this  habit, do check out Manicare's Bite No More. I don't think it's available in the Philippines yet but you should be able to purchase it from the pharmacies in Singapore like Guardian or online for about SGD11.50 per bottle.

Try it!  Don't forget to cover this strategy with much prayers and let me know how it goes.

 

 

 

 

 

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The Sleeping Habits of Dads and Moms

Are you a light or deep sleeper?

 

Before I had children, I am generally a deep sleeper. Once I fall asleep, I sleep through the night. Make whatever noise you want and it won't bother me. You can turn on the lights or even the radio and I won't budge. Motherhood happened and changed all that. I surprise myself by the little things that can possibly wake me up. A faint creaking sound of the crib that tells me the baby is awake, a tiny cough or the pitter patter of tiny feet walking to the bed.  I was pretty amazed at this realization. It's almost like a miracle how most women develop bionic ears once the babies are born. Maybe this is really how God designed the female human body.

 

But let's not forget the men. Before we had children, my husband was such a light sleeper. He needed the lights completely turned off before bedtime. Night lights keep him awake so lampshades must be turned off and the room must be pitch black. I cannot watch television because even the tiniest volume would stir him up. I always complied because I knew it was hard to change sleeping habits. Or so I thought. One tiny miracle changed all that. His name is Troy.

 

When our little baby was born, my husband suddenly became the deepest sleeper ever. EVER. Troy screams and cries non-stop and he does not seem to hear it. I turn on the light to check on the baby but he does not seem to mind anymore.  What happened to the light sleeper that I married? And I am not just trashing my husband and venting here.  For some reason, he said he seriously does not hear it. Strange. To give him credit though, those times when I practically shove him out of the bed had to wake him up, he readily helps me. I will redeem my husband by saying he's a very hands-on father and I cannot complain. I remember how my cousin-in-law (Father) was telling me how his kids slept through the night since birth. Then my cousin (Mother) reacted 'What?! No, they did not!'. So apparently the Father just did not hear the cries.

 

Maybe that's just how men and women are wired through parenthood. What about you? How did your sleeping habits change with kids?

 

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Common Sense Media

This week my friend shared this App with me that I think every parent should have on their smart phones. With the amount of screen time our children have these days, it is almost impossible not to be affected by the things they see on TV or play on their devices. The best thing we can do is to filter the movies they watch, know the values they get from watching certain TV shows, and learn how the online games they play affect their personalities.  This is where Common Sense Media comes in.

Common Sense Media helps families make smart media choices. We offer the largest, most trusted library of independent age-based and educational ratings and reviews for movies, games, apps, TV shows, websites, books, and music. 

During our weekend family movie time, we have both kids with us so we need to ensure the movie that we will be watching will be appropriate for our four-year old yet still entertaining for our seven-year old. Common Sense Media allows you to filter through a given age range. In my case I always set it to 4 to 7 so that it covers the ages of both my children. 

Now another great feature is that you can customize the App to your own child's gender and age. It will then select shows that are good for them.

 

You can also do searches of the shows or games that you kids love. The site will give you a good indication of what the programs are teaching your child.

There is no doubt that traditional and digital media gives great entertainment value. But it is important for us, as parents, to use it wisely. This way our children will be able to use it as a tool to learn new skills and accomplish amazing things.

Now don't you agree that all parents must have the Common Sense Media App on hand? Because, admit in, in this crazy parenting world, common sense is sometimes not so common.

 

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Circle Maker Series: Praying Through

Every night before going to bed, I would pray and lift up my concerns to the Lord. I have a number of prayer items that have been there for as long as I can remember.  Do you also experience drought in your prayer life sometimes? When it feels like you are just going around in circles and nothing is happening? Well, you need to read this.

I will start this post by sharing two stories. One from the Bible and one from the Circle Maker book.

Story 1: Luke 18: 1-5    

The Parable of the Persistent Widow

One day Jesus told his disciples of a story to show that they should always pray and not give up.  "There was a judge in a certain city," he said, "who neither feared God nor cared about people. A widow of that city came to him repeatedly, saying, 'Give me justice in this dispute with the enemy.'  The judge ignored her for a while, but finally he said to himself, 'I don't fear God or care about people, but this woman is driving me crazy. I'm going to see that she gets justice, because she is wearing me out with her constant requests!'"

Story 2:  In standardized math tests, Japanese children consistently score higher than their American counterparts. While some assume that a natural proclivity toward mathematics is the primary difference, researchers have discovered that it may have more to do with effort than ability. In one study involving first-graders, students were given a difficult puzzle to solve. The researchers weren’t interested in whether or not the children could solve the puzzle; they simply wanted to see how long they would try before giving up. The American children lasted, on average, 9.47 minutes. The Japanese children lasted 13.93 minutes. In other words, the Japanese children tried 47 percent longer. Is it any wonder why they score higher on math exams? Researchers concluded that the difference in math scores might have less to do with intelligence quotient and more to do with persistence quotient. The Japanese first-graders simply tried harder.
 

Now do these stories tell us? Success is, more often than not, a product of persistence.  In the story of the persistent widow, the Bible was silent on what sort of injustice took place. Maybe her son was falsely imprisoned or maybe a man who molested her daughter was still walking free. Whatever injustice she was facing, it is apparent that the widow will not stop until the judge grants her the justice she is looking for. That is what makes her a circle maker.

In my previous post, i talked about dreaming big and praying bold prayers. Now here's the question we need to answer. How desperate are we for God to fulfill those dreams? How many times are you willing to lift that request up in prayer? How long are you willing to wait?

We all know that God is sovereign and the answers to our prayers do not depend on us. Ultimately, the answer will still be God's decision. But it is also up to us to show the Lord how serious we are with our request.

Pray like it depends on God (because it really does!)

 

If I tell you now that I know a person who can grant your deepest request, wouldn’t you be curious and immediately schedule an appointment with him?  Stop for a moment and consider this.  God CAN answer that desperate dream that we have.  Why aren't we constantly seeking the Lord for the answer?   If we do not pray and seek God like the miracle depends on Him, then our answers will always be out of our prayer reach.

In 1 Kings 18: 41-46, the Bible talked about a story of drought. Very similar to Honi's story.  Elijah went up to Mount Carmel to pray for rain. After each prayer, he would ask his servant to go and look out toward the sea and check for rain. When there was still no sign of rain, Elijah would pray again. He did this for seven times before God sent a terrific rainstorm.

This story reminded me of a story I previously shared about the Jericho Wall. The Israelites had to circle the wall of Jericho for seven days before they were able to break through the wall conquer the promised land. Similarly, there was no tangible difference after Elijah prayed for the first, second, third, until the sixth time. But he persisted until the Lord answered his request for rain after his seventh prayer.  Just like the Israelites, Elijah would have forfeited the miracle had he stopped praying on the sixth time.

Now in my prayer list, there are big and small items. I have a few friends who tell me that they only pray the big-ticket items so that God is no longer bothered by the smaller ones. Here's the next point that i want to share with you.

 

God is great not only because nothing is too big for Him.  He is also great because nothing is too small for Him.

The bible said that there is no sparrow that falls to the ground that the Lord does not know about. I recently found out that the maya bird is a type of sparrow. I guess the reason why the Lord used a sparrow to explain this point is because there are just a lot of sparrows in the world. With all the seemingly more important world events, can you imagine why God would even bother knowing each one of the sparrow?

A few weeks ago, our Pastor shared something with us that made me understand God's heart more.  The Bible says that the hairs on our head are numbered. The Lord did not say they are counted, but that they are numbered.  This means that when a hair falls, the Lord does not say "Minus 1 hair from Fan's head", the Lord will say "Hair #2546 has just fallen". Our hairs are numbered.

Isn't it amazing how God is into the details of our lives? There is nothing too big for him and yet there is also nothing too small for Him.  The Lord listens to all our concerns. May it be our parenting struggles, healing from a serious illness, career choice, or finding the love of our life.  The Lord is interested in all of them.

I urge all of you to pray through the tough times and not give up.  Because, who knows? You may just be a prayer away from the miracle you have been waiting for.

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Authority and Influence

This morning as i was driving to work, i stumbled upon a Parenting Podcast and decided to listen to it. The speaker was a minister named Paul. He has two teenage boys and he talked about discipline and instilling better communication with our children. Among all the insightful things that he shared, one illustration stayed with me. Based on his explanation, i have drawn the image below.

The purple rectangular box represents your discipline style. The numbers below represents your child's age from 1 to 18. The blue line starting from the bottom-right corner going up represents your level of influence over your child. While the line that starts from the upper-right hand side going down represents your level of authority over your child. Now with those information on hand, look at the diagram again. What does that tell you?

 

As our children get older, there is an autonomy that naturally grows within them.  That means that they would start to make their own decisions more and more, and depend on us less and less. It is very important to understand that the effectiveness of our parenting style should also be shifting as our child grows older.  When they are young, we can still use our authority over them to get them to listen.  But as they mature, we must gradually shift to molding them through our influence. So referring to the chart, my daughter at four years old is still largely dependent on my authority over her. For my son, who is already seven, is now at a stage when he wants to exercise a certain level of autonomy and make his own decisions. While I can still effectively teach him through my authority, I must also understand that he is now at a stage where my influence is also just as important. The problem with parents who do not understand this shift in parenting style is that they continue to impose their authority over their teenage children which causes the child to rebel against them.

 

So our question now is how do we build our influence over our children? The key here is to instill good communication while they are young. Face to face time is very important for young children. This can happen over meals or while you are playing toys with them. Just talk to them and have them build a habit of sharing their lives with you.  Dens and I are still working on getting more FaceToFace Time with the kids these days so it's still a work-in-progress.  We do this by playing a game before we go to sleep. Each one of us gets to ask a general question such as 'What is your favorite animal?' or 'What is your favorite family activity?' then we go around guessing each others' answers. That way we learn more about each other in a fun way. Notice how i say we "learn about each other" and not that we "learn more about our children"? As much as we want to know more about the kids through communication, it is also very important that we share about ourselves and allow them to get to know us, their parents, too. It builds trust and openness that will hopefully translate to better communication during their teenage years.

 

Another way to make yourself an effective influencer is, of course, through modelling. I have spoken about how effective this method is in a previous post (Click here to read about it). And honestly, this should be the easiest parenting tool for us. We just become the kind of people we want our children to be and that's it. Easier said that done, I know. But we cannot expect them to do things we cannot do ourselves. Similar to putting on oxygen masks in an airplane emergency, we need to help ourselves first before we can effectively help our children.

 

How old is your child now? Is authority still an effective parenting tool? Or should you already start gravitating towards influence? Think about it. Maybe it's time to reconsider our parenting style. At the end of the day, we should always seek God's guidance when setting controls for authority in our home. And when it comes to being a good role model to our kids, let us all be the hero that we already are in our children's eyes. And let us become the person that they would like to be when they grow up.

 

Psalm 19:7 "The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple"

 

 

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How My Daughter Stopped to Thumbuck. A Continuation...

A lot of you have been asking me questions on my post regarding How My Daughter Stopped to Thumbsuck last May. If you have not read that post, please do so before you proceed to read the rest of this story.

On my second to the last paragraph, i mentioned how my daughter was already 99% thumbsuck-free. While 99% is good, it's still not 100%. Now let me tell you what I discovered about that elusive 1% the past two months.

During our recent trip to Hawaii, i noticed that my daughter was starting to degress in her non-thumbsucking habit. Or to put it clearly, my 99% success rate slowly turned to 90% then maybe 80% successful. You're probably wondering the same thing as I did. What happened?

I was reading Mark Batterson's book entitled The Circle Maker the past month. One chapter talked about how the Israelites were asked to walk around the city of Jericho for seven days. This was the Lord's instruction before they can conquer the promised land.

Joshua 6: 3-4

 

March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams' horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets.

If you have not heard about this story, let me be a spoiler and tell you what happened in the end. The walls of Jericho came tumbling down on the seventh day and the Israelites were able to conquer the city that God has promised them.

Now let's go back a few days and put ourselves in the shoes of the Israelites. After one round or two, our faith may be intact. But imagine going around on the 5th day...then the 6th day...maybe some of us will already be wondering when the promise will come. I remember our Pastor mentioned during his preaching a few months ago that 'Faith is easy in 5 minutes. But walking in faith continously again and again and again is difficult'. How true is that? If you are praying for something and the answer comes immediately, then it does not require much faith, does it? But if the answer takes days, weeks, months or even years later, our faith may start to dwindle.

But here's the good news. Our God is a promise keeper. Miracles happen when we do not give up. Imagine if the Israelties decided to stop circling the wall of Jericho on the 6th day. They would have forfeited the miracle and promise of God.

And that's where my realization came in with Dawn's thumbsucking habit. I stopped praying on the 6th round. When i thought my prayer was already 99% answered, i was too happy and forgot to contiously pray for it. I did not fully reach God's promise for me. This is why the complete breakthrough did not happen. I quit praying just before the miracle was scheduled to happen.

What a sad realization it was. I asked the Lord for forgiveness and committed to once again pray for Dawn. My God is a God of second chances. Remember my post on forgiveness post on forgiveness? I know my God will redeem me. 

And here's something else you  need to know. 

Joshua 6:2

 

Then the Lord said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its kings and its fighting men"

 

You know what is amazing with this verse? The word "Delivered" is spoken in the past tense.  The Lord said it even before the Israelites started  circling the wall. The battle was won even before the battle began.

 

I am now circling God's promise again to make Dawn completely stop this [thubmuscking] habit. I don't know if I am now on my 6th round or back to my 1st. Nevertheless I can pray believing that God's answer will come. In fact, given that God has already won the battle for me, I should already be praising God for it.

 

When the time comes that we are 100% thumbsuck-free, I will share the 3rd part of this journey with you and pray that you also be blessed by our story.

 

Philippians 4:6-7

 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

 

 

 





 

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What Happened to You as a Child? #ChildhoodTrauma

Do you know that a lot of the negative emotions that you are feeling today are old emotions? This was the concept of the seminar Dens and I recently attended on Childhood Trauma by Christine Foong-Wong.

A lot of us think of trauma only as a result of a major event that happen in people's lives.  Near-death experiences, rape, surviving natural catastrophies, etc. But do you know that we (especially as children) can also be traumatized by something as simple as a word spoken to us, growing up with parents who were always busy, or even witnessing our parents fight.

I will use the last example to illustrate. When a child witnesses his parents argue, it can result in several emotions:

• Feeling of Hopelessness - To a child, his parents are his world.  When the parents fight, the child will feel that his world is collapsing and there is nothing he can do about it.
• Insecurity - A child's security is anchored upon a strong family foundation.  His future becomes uncertain even for that brief period of time when parents fight. A sense of insecurity becomes rooted into his DNA.
• Feeling of Helplessness - Psychologists say that a child's natural instinct is to save his parents and they actually did several tests to prove this. When the parents fight, a child will feel that he cannot save his parents from hurting (verbal or physical) each other.

The child will then unconsciously grow up with these emotions. Christine explained that the effects of the trauma are like giant buttons within us, waiting to be pushed by people or events in our adult lives. This is why some husbands and wives argue over the tiniest things. You may think that the your husband or wife is the source of your anger, but the truth is, it may be linked to an underlying trauma that stems from your childhood.

So you see, as parents it is very important for us to know about these things. We need to know what words or actions can cause trauma to our children.  But before that, we must also identify areas where we were traumatized as a child in order to start our healing process and help our own children. This is where Christine and her team come in.

During the workshop last June 27, we were asked to write our Constellation of the Sentence of Intention (CoSI). In other words, what do you want to achieve or correct in your life? Given the limited time in the workshop, we were asked to write our most important intention - ideally the one that has been troubling us the most. It can be as deep as "I want to stop having anxiety attacks" to something as simple as "I want to get rid of all my pimples" so long as the statement has an "I", pertains to a goal and something you have not achieved.

You will then be partnered with a professional (trained) therapist who will help you identify the problem of your intention (i.e. why do you have anxiety attacks? why do you have pimples?). It is all very scientific and though psychology can sometimes feel like voodoo, we were assured that this is all science-based.

Allow me to share a little story about my own experience. During the workshop, I witnessed a lot of tears and realization with the other participants. When it was my turn, I felt that we were not able to fully uncover the root of my trauma. Christine's team from Singapore was kind enough to schedule me for another free 1:1 consultation two days later. Unfortunately, my schedule was full on their free day and they were set to fly back to Singapore the day after. The morning after the workshop, I started to pray and asked God to help reveal the underlying trauma to me. And guess what? He did! I had that 'tears and realization' moment while brushing my teeth.  It was such a great revelation to me.

The workshop was truly an eye opener for me. Learning about Trauma, identifying my CoSI and finding out what happened to me as a child are life-changing experiences. Though my realization came a day later through my conversation with the Lord, I also believe that God can use tools such as the workshop to help you uncover your past. This is just the same way God can either grant you healing through doctors and medicine, or He can heal you wherever you are - just like that.  Either way, acknowledging that the healing comes from the Lord is key for me.

Christine and her team will be back in Manila on August 21, 2015 for another workshop. You may register or inquire with Tin Dychiao at +63998 9711449. As parents, it would be great to bring your spouse to join you on this journey. 

I encourage you to check it out and discover for yourself. A lot of people have shared how the workshop has made them better husbands/wives and better parents. I can imagine why. Try it out and let me know how it turns out for you.

God bless!







 

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How My Daughter Stopped to Thumbsuck

Dawn practically came out of the womb with her thumb in her mouth.  She loved to thumbsuck!  When she was less than a year old, most of our friends who see her thumbsuck would always tell me that babies who thumbsuck are 'good babies'. While it may be an old folklore, I guess it also stemmed from the fact that they are easily soothed and therefore cry less.

When Dawn turned two and the habit continued, I started to get a little concerned. I read some articles and got tips from friends whose children overcame this habit. From putting vinegar or chili on her thumb (both of which i did not dare try) to putting a band-aid around her finger. The latter, of course, did not work because she can easily remove it.

Three years later and we were still thumbsucking. I got more concerned because her thumb was developing marks and her teeth were already being pushed forward. I tried negotiating with her and even offering to give her prizes if she can go overnight without thumbsucking (i know it's not the best parenting trick but i was desperate). All of which did not work.

When January 2015 rolled in, I made a list of my faith goals for this year. Similar to when i prayed for Troy's leg healing in 2013.  Among other goals was for Dawn to stop this bad habit.  I knew it was impossible to curb this habit without the Lord's help. 

When Dawn was about to turn four in February, she went to visit her dentist, who also happens to be my sister-in-law.  When she came home, she told me that her aunt explained what will happen to her teeth when she thumbsucked.  So I explained that her aunt was right and how she might get crooked teeth if she does not stop. Then she asked how crooked teeth looked like. So i pulled up some google images of crooked teeth to show her and she was horrified! And you know what, she stopped thumbsucking that very night! I could not believe it. God answered my faith goal in just one month!

Four years of my own efforts proved useless compared to one powerful prayer lifted in faith. The Lord does amazing things. It's been three months now and we're 99% thumbsuck-free. I say 99% because Dawn sometimes forget so we need to constantly remind her. She would usually quickly remove her thumb and say sorry.

What is your parenting struggle now? I still have a long list but I can rest in the assurance that my God is bigger than my struggles. What a great comfort for us parents that we can lean on a mighty Father who loves our kids even more than we do. Whatever it is that you're struggling with, lift it up to the Lord. He is just a prayer away.

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The Decisions Parents Make

This post is inspired by one of my sister's best friends, Hannah, who is an only child. Whenever she is asked to do a task that can be a bit risky (anything from skydiving to eating a chicken meal by the streets), she would usually decline by saying "Only child ako".  While we always found her comment funny, there is indeed some truth in it.

The other day while running on the treadmill, i was lost in my thoughts and i remembered her statement. Then it made me realize how, as a mom, i have grown to have the same careful nature. Not because 'Only child ako' but because i am the only mom my kids will ever have. 

Before the kids came into the picture, i was more carefree. I grew up knowing my liver was not in tiptop shape but that never fazed me until I had Troy.  I started doing more research on how to take care of my health and overall live a longer and healthier life for my children.

My children will now always be a consideration on each decision that I make.  When you know that someone you love is very much dependent on you, you tend to make decisions to care for yourself on behalf of the other person. Any decision that may possibly hurt the other person will have to be thought twice or thrice over.

Motherhood indeed changes us.  Now it is up to us whether we will change for good or otherwise. I challenge all parents to start taking care of yourselves more. You are the only mom or dad your child will ever have. Make your life count. You are irreplaceable to them.


 

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Be Still

I'd like to tell you a story. It's a long one and I'm not quite sure where to start. I shared a part of it in our church last month when i was asked to give a message. So to those who heard that message, i guess you can think of this as 'behind-the-scenes'.  So anyway, i am just going to talk about it chronologically without worrying too much about how the sentences are constructed or whether I'm following the correct writing rule. I am going to tell this story as candidly as i can and hope that the message comes across to you.

About 3 months ago, I went through a rather difficult time in various aspects of my life. From work to parenting to my church commitments. It just felt like so many things are happening and i was losing control and not being on top of things.  I started reading self-help books and  found one parenting book that was very enlightening. It tackled a lot of my immediate challenges and i thought it was the answer to a huge part of my worries at that time.  I carried the book around wherever i went, practically highlighting entire pages as i read along.

Along with reading the self-help books, Dens and i decided to pray and fast for a week. On day 1 of our fast, the Lord spoke to us through Psalm 46:10. The verse says "Be still and know that I am God". It sounded comforting to me but I wasn't really sure what to do about it. On day two, the Lord spoke to us about the Parable of the Growing Seed in Mark 4.

"God’s kingdom is like seed thrown on a field by a man who then goes to bed and forgets about it. The seed sprouts and grows—he has no idea how it happens."

I particularly like the last part where it says the man has no idea how it happens. Because this tells me that it was all the Lord's work. The man just did his part and went to bed without much thought or worry. Then he wakes up to see how the seed has grown.

Curiously, on that same day, i lost the parenting book that i loved so much. Then i was reminded of the Lord's message through Mark 4. Rely more on the Lord than on technique. I have been so anxious applying the things that i learned from the book that i forgot to pray and seek guidance from the Lord. The same thought came to mind on my work and church commitments. Then i understood Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God".

Fast forward to present day. Last Saturday while we were in the car, my 3-year old daughter suddenly told us how she fell from a bus and had blood all over. I asked where she got the idea since that has never happened. But she did not answer and started talking about something else. This morning, she woke me up at 5am because she wanted to go to the bathroom. When we were about to get ready to go back to bed, she told me the exact same bus story but this time with talks of broken legs and blood from the head. She also mentioned that i was trying to pull her out. It scared me to the pit of my stomach. The only thing i could say then was 'Can i pray with you?' and she said yes. I prayed and cancelled that thought. I asked God not to remind her of that story anymore if it was not from Him. I, of course, also prayed that He will grant me peace"  I spent the rest of the morning (until my alarm clock went off at 6:30am) just lying down and embracing her. With so much tears, i kept on praying to the Lord for clarity and wisdom to know what to do with this story.

On my way to work, i shared the story with my sister, Trixie. I shared with her that somehow i felt that it was just the Lord's reminder for a prayer revival within me.  Truth be told, i haven't had a really good prayer time with the Lord the past month or so.  There was just no motivation. And honestly, after this morning's story, i can tell you that i am driven to pray now more than ever.  Then, halfway through our car ride, my sister called me and showed me something.  There was a vendor outside with a message at the back of his shirt.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"

It took me a few seconds to absorb the message.  Then His peace just washed over me.  I had to quickly take a picture before our car started moving again so that i can share this with you.

Isn't the Lord amazing? He allows fear to bring us back to Him but gently embraces us with His love and grace.  I am filled with so much love for my Savior and I am in awe of His goodness.  I am writing this with tears and i am beyond words. May you also experience Him in such a powerful way and I can assure you, your life will never be the same again.

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Falling In Love

"I am so in love with my daughter!" he said with wonder in his eyes. "And i'm not saying i love her, Tiff. I'm saying i am IN LOVE with her!"

This was about 9 years ago.  A year before i became a mom.  I vividly remember how we were walking along the streets of Makati when he said this to me out of the blue. Just to give you a better picture, this is my Singaporean friend.  He is a 30 something fitness buff who is an expert in calculating financial risks. Imagine a guy who soars in the financial world exclaiming how 'in love' he is with his then 6-year old daughter in the middle of nowhere. I remember looking at him and wondering what exactly he's saying.  How different is it to love your child and be 'in love' with her?  I remember telling him 'Maybe i'll understand you better when i become a mom'.  Later that year, i became pregnant.

My kids are now 6 and 3 (if you're doing the math and wondering where the 2 years went since i got pregnant 9 years ago, you need to read THIS).  Every night before we sleep, i would look at my two children and my heart will swell with so much love.  So much love that i can physically feel it.  Do you remember that feeling?  The kind of love that gives you butterflies in the stomach. The kind of love that makes you smile on a stressful day.  The kind of love that makes you want rush home and spend each precious hour with them. The kind of love that keeps you up late at night imagining what your future holds.  Isn't that how it feels each time we fall in love?

The thought uttered 9 years ago that sounded so foreign to me, resonates with my heart now.  Yes, i am so in love with my children. Now i understand how loving your children and being in-love with them sounds like the same thing but feels completely different.  The journey of parenthood introduces us to these totally unexpected emotions and continues to reveal new sides of ourselves that we have not known before.

Today i am putting this thought out there so that when my kids are old enough to surf through the net, they will know.  That even on my really bad days, i only have to think of them and joy fills my heart. And I am in love all over again.

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Growing Up with Integrity

The past months have been a roller coaster ride for me on the parenting front. There were good days and not-so-good days. Our son is six and is growing up to be a fine young man.  But of course, as with most kids, he is a work-in-progress.  He may be more outspoken than i hope at times, or more active than my feet can take. But one thing i am noticing more and more is that he is growing up with a strong sense of integrity. 

Troy loves to play soccer. Give him a ball and he will run with it and practice his high-kicks wherever he is.  But last week he has been down with the flu so i told him not to play soccer during lunch breaks to avoid dehydration.  Yesterday when he came home from school, he asked me if he can already go back to playing soccer during lunch. I said as much as possible it's best that he doesn't because i don't want him to get sick again. He explained how his friends played that day and that he was not able join them because i asked him not to.  I felt bad for him but was also very proud that he kept his word. He asked me if he can already play the next day and i just replied with 'We'll see tomorrow'.   

Today at around 12:30pm, we got a call from the school. Troy wasn't sure if he was already allowed to play soccer so he went to the school's admin office to borrow the phone and ask for our permission.  My heart swelled with pride at his honesty. He could have just gone ahead to play soccer and we won't have a way of knowing it.  But he knew he kept a promise with us and he wanted to do the right thing. My cousin recently shared something on Facebook that says 'Your true character comes out when nobody is watching' - and that's true. That's where integrity comes in.

Our children are indeed a work-in-progress. But who isn't, right? I'm in my thirties and i know the Lord is still molding me to be the kind of person He wants me to be.  What is important is that we, as parents, instill good moral values in them that will bring them a step towards being a better person.  Even as a parent, i am still a work-in-progress. Each day i learn something new. I've learned a lot of parenting tricks and techniques through the past years, but one thing i know is that my greatest coach is Jesus Christ. He is and will always be our best resource in bringing our children up.

And in case you're wondering, we did allow Troy to play soccer today.  He kept his word and i think that deserves a reward.

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Quick Guide on How to Raise a Happy, Successful, and Cooperative Child

I got this a long long time ago from Pam's blog and saw i would like to share this with you.  

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Sacrificial Love

I have been sick the past week. I stayed in bed for four whole days and it was just awful most of the time. I say most of the time because I have to admit - this forced rest can be good for me sometimes. I slept for hours guilt-free and spent my waking hours watching the kids play on one side of the room, catching up on the telenovelas that i've missed and reading my Bible. But the stomach cramps and the endless throwing up was just a pain (literally and figuratively).

During those 4 days, I saw how my two little kids went out of their way to take care of me. My 5-year old diligently got me water, answered phone calls, and fetched things for me from all over the house since i can barely stand most of the time. My 2-year old is a little too small for chores but she did something that also melted my heart. If you have been reading this blog the past week, you would have read about my clingy little girl whose daily plea was to stick with me. On Day 3 of my house arrest, my daughter contacted fever. Since we knew my immune system was down, we didn't want to risk contaminating each other with whatever virus each of us had.  After waking up from her nap and discovering her high temperature, my daughter called me from her brother's room. This was how our conversation went.

Me: Hello?
Dawn: Hello, Mom?
Me: Hi Dawnie!
Dawn: Mom, i have fever so i can't go to your room.
Me: Aww...okay anak.
Dawn:  I'll just drink medicine so that i will feel better, okay?
Me: Okay
Dawn (almost in tears): I miss you, Mommy!

If you know my daughter, you will know how much of a sacrifice this was for her. When she woke up middle of that night (usually to breastfeed), i went to her bed. Then i told her i cannot feed her tonight. She just said 'Embrace only, Mommy'.  And embrace her i did. In tears.

Looking at all the things my two kids did for me during my 4-day confinement made all those days sacrificing my own enjoyment for them oh-so-worth it.  As young as they are, they understood the meaning of sacrificial love.

This made me think of a lot of Christians these days. A lot of us go through life without appreciating the sacrifice that Jesus Christ did on the cross for us. We know it happened. We know what it was for. But the level of appreciation it commands just isn't there.  I have been reading the book of Matthew the past weeks and it was just a wonderful eye opener for me. I cannot imagine how God would sacrifice His own son to die a harsh death just so people who have yet to know and love Him will be saved. Such unconditional, extravagant, sacrificial love.

Think about it. For what the Lord has done for us, how much have we been willing to sacrifice for Him? That 10 minutes of your day to read your Bible and morning devotion? That 5 minutes of prayer time before going to bed? Skipping that telenovela once a week for prayer meeting? Or even the 'humiliation' of raising our hands when we worship Him in church. Remember, the humiliation that Jesus went through for us goes way beyond just raising those hands up.

John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. That whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life"

On this day of love, i pray that our appreciation of God's sacrifice goes beyond words. May our actions reflect the gratitude in our hearts. He deserves all honor, glory and praise. Thank you, Lord. We love you!

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The Day I Became a Person and a Half

It was around six in the morning when the nurses came and wheeled me to the operating room. After waiting for over 38 weeks, I was very excited to meet my little girl...and, quite frankly, also looking forward to relieving myself from the weight that has been causing me sleepless nights and lower back pains. After a little over an hour, our beautiful baby girl was born. 72 hours later, i felt pregnant again.

Being our second baby (technically 3rd but that's another story), we felt like seasoned parents. We knew how to fix our breastfeeding schedule and prepare ourselves for the midnight shifts. But my daughter was different from her brother somehow. She was so attached to me (and no one else) like a stick to a glue.  When she cries in the middle of the night, she only wanted me to carry her. When i let her co-sleep with us on the bed, she'd prefer to sleep on my tummy instead. When we're out, she'd cuddle inside the sling 99% of the time. It was, in a way, easier for me since she was quick to pacify. The only problem was, the only effective pacifier was me.

Almost three years later, nothing has changed. Last December we had a 2-week vacation abroad and my daughter only wanted me to give her a bath, feed her, brush her teeth, carry her [sling or no sling], and even push her stroller.  That's right, push her stroller!  She'll check the back every now and then to make sure no one else has 'taken over' the stroller. I must admit feeling so loved and needed by your child is awesome in a lot of ways. But during those times when i just wanted to rest, it can get pretty stressful and literally back-breaking. Like i said, with the sleepless nights and backaches, it didn't feel too different from being pregnant.

I remember trying to shop in H&M with Dawn. I didn't want to let her walk around (and have to run after her) so i carried her most of the time.  There was an ongoing sale so the crowd was tight and the lines were long.  It was challenging to say the least.  So one afternoon, Dens decided i needed a break.  He took Dawn from me - amidst the tears and all (Dawn, not me) - so that i can go shopping for an hour with my sister. We excitedly ran to the nearest H&M to continue our shopping - leisurely this time. When i got there, the excitement started to fade away. I saw the clothes that i tried on when Dawn was with me and remembered how excited she looked when she said 'Mom, you look like a princess!' Then i saw the little hair accessories that Dawn diligently collected the first time we were there. She said some of those were for her and some were for me. Suddenly, my afternoon of leisure shopping wasn't as fun as i thought.  It truly felt like giving birth. Once the baby is out, you somehow feel like a part of you is now missing.

This made me realize to enjoy the present. Being a mom will surely limit my shopping habits once in a while. I may not be able to shop to my heart's content in factory outlets anymore. I may need to say goodbye to a  restful 8-hour sleep until they're all grown up. I may not always get to enjoy my meals as I make sure the little toddler is eating enough. But that's all right. The perks of being a mom far outweighs the challenges. The smiles you get each time you open your eyes in the morning. The embraces at night before you sleep. And the 'i love you's' that they so sincerely say.

I wonder how long my daughter will be this attached to me. But i will stop analyzing how to 'detach' her anymore. I will embrace this moment for as long as i can. Because not too long from now, she will have her own life...her own schedule...and she may not need me as much as she does now. And i will look back to this day with fondness and a deep sense of longing. Hoping that time did not have to move so fast.

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Adversity Quotient: How Resilient is Your Child?

When i was young, the only quotient that i was familiar with was Intelligence Quotient (IQ). Then i got to college and found out that there is also such a thing as Emotional Quotient (EQ). A few months ago, i learned from finance expert, Ms. Rose Fausto, that we also need to be conscious of having a strong Financial Quotient (FQ). So many quotients to consider!  Well, there's a new quotient that i learned three weeks ago during our #BetterMe session with Coach Pia that i'd like to share with you. Adversity Quotient (AQ).

The net describes AQ as the most scientifically robust and widely used method in the world for measuring and strengthening human resilience.  During the recent tyhpoon that hit the Visayas region in the Philippines, one of the most frequently-used term to describe the Filipinos was "resilient". I look at the survivors and can truly say that most of them exhibit a very strong AQ. They are undefeated.  

photo from rappler.com

How do we ensure that our children will have a strong AQ? Each time i look at my husband, i can feel that he is very emotionally and mentally strong. He can easily rank #1 in my list of friends and family with high AQ.

We touched on this topic during our last session with Coach Pia and i found it to be such an eye opener for me. Building our children's AQ means that we should not be overprotective of our children.  People who were NOT sheltered too much growing up will tend to have higher AQ.

One of the things that i've learned is not to over react when my child gets hurt. Sayang things like 'kawawa ka naman' lowers the child's resilience. He will grow up thinking everytime he gets hurt, he'll be 'kawawa'.  They will then start to develop self-pity and low self-esteem. The better response would be to check on the child and make sure he's okay. After the cut is attended to, then tell the child it will be fine and don't make a big deal out of it.

I am learning each day. There are days when i'm so tempted to say 'aww...' and over react when my child shows me his or her ouchy.  But then the principles of having High Adversity Quotient comes to mind and i stop myself from fawning over the child too much. Not to say i don't show concern but there is a better way of doing so without letting the child feel self-pity.

How about you? How high is your AQ? Having a strong self worth is also key to building your child's self esteem. Remember that our children looks at us and how resilient we are in times of difficulties. I am determined to be the best example for my children. I will show them that when times are hard, we should just shake it off and step up instead of wallowing in self-pity. As they say, when life throws you lemons, make lemonade.

Our talk that day was sponsored by Hewlet-Packard.  They talked about their new HP Deskjet Ink Advantage Printer series which i love! My favorite feature was how you can download an App on your smartphones or tablets and print remotely! I love all the arts and crafts project available in the App and even the reviewers that are excellent for our pre-schoolers who are learning to read and write. The good news is that HP Deskjet Ink Advantage Printers used to cost P4,990 but they recently brought down their prices to P3,545 only! It's an excellent gift for the whole family. You still have 9 days before Christmas to rush to the stores and buy them for your family!

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To eBook or Not to eBook?





photo from amazon.com

 With the growing popularity of eBooks, do you still buy books?

I have always been partial to buying actual books instead of downloading them. There is something magical about holding an actual book, turning the pages, and getting lost in the story.  However, the convenience of downloading an eBook and being able to access and read it anytime is just too tempting.  The past year, i have been converted convinced and have slowly transitioned to downloading e-books instead of buying them off the shelves.

I have always loved reading and that is one trait that i want my children to inherit. I am a believer that reading books regularly is the best way expand your knowledge and improve your communication skills. Troy is now five and is learning to read books on his own. He is excited about this newfound skill and have been trying to read and spell different words every day.

This made me think. My dad loves to read but i cannot remember a time when he explicitly encouraged me to read. So I wondered how i gained this love for reading.  Then i remember seeing the excitement of my dad each time he would buy a new book from the bookstore. He has now accumulated enough books to set up his own library. Ever since i was small, National Bookstore would be my dad's default shopping place. I would stay there with him until he is ready to go. I would grab some Archie comics and read them while i was there. Eventually, my dad noticed my love for reading and would usually ask me to choose a book each time we visit the bookstore. I felt like a kid wandering excitedly in a toy store looking for a newfound treasure.  My mom supported this hobby and also purchased newly released Archie comics or Sweet Valley books for me as she sees them.  Before i knew it, i already had a mini library of my favorite books at home.  As i grew up, i gained the habit of going to the bookstore and scouting for new books to read as we visited the malls.

The years passed and this habit slowly stopped with the advent of the internet and eBooks. You can now easily read interesting stories and ideas online. Books can now be downloaded as eBooks. The publishing industry is slowly becoming obsolete.

Then i had a thought. How can i instill the same love for reading to my children? I can encourage them as much as i can but if they don't see me reading books myself, i doubt how much of an impact my encouraging words would have on them. I still read a lot these days but it's usually through my iPhone. That doesn't tell the kids much, does it? For all i know, they are probably thinking i am just playing some new game or checking my Facebook account. Not much parental modeling here, people. So this is my new plan. Every once in a while, i will buy a book to read. Not download it as an eBook but go back to the bookstores and purchase some books once again. I'd like my kids to see me read. I don't want them to see me so engrossed on my gadget wondering whether i'm surfing, texting, or playing games. I want to teach them by example just as my dad did with me.

What a small price to pay in my continued quest to be a supermodel to my kids.

Deuteronomy 6: 6-7
 "⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

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