What Happened to You as a Child? #ChildhoodTrauma

Do you know that a lot of the negative emotions that you are feeling today are old emotions? This was the concept of the seminar Dens and I recently attended on Childhood Trauma by Christine Foong-Wong.

A lot of us think of trauma only as a result of a major event that happen in people's lives.  Near-death experiences, rape, surviving natural catastrophies, etc. But do you know that we (especially as children) can also be traumatized by something as simple as a word spoken to us, growing up with parents who were always busy, or even witnessing our parents fight.

I will use the last example to illustrate. When a child witnesses his parents argue, it can result in several emotions:

• Feeling of Hopelessness - To a child, his parents are his world.  When the parents fight, the child will feel that his world is collapsing and there is nothing he can do about it.
• Insecurity - A child's security is anchored upon a strong family foundation.  His future becomes uncertain even for that brief period of time when parents fight. A sense of insecurity becomes rooted into his DNA.
• Feeling of Helplessness - Psychologists say that a child's natural instinct is to save his parents and they actually did several tests to prove this. When the parents fight, a child will feel that he cannot save his parents from hurting (verbal or physical) each other.

The child will then unconsciously grow up with these emotions. Christine explained that the effects of the trauma are like giant buttons within us, waiting to be pushed by people or events in our adult lives. This is why some husbands and wives argue over the tiniest things. You may think that the your husband or wife is the source of your anger, but the truth is, it may be linked to an underlying trauma that stems from your childhood.

So you see, as parents it is very important for us to know about these things. We need to know what words or actions can cause trauma to our children.  But before that, we must also identify areas where we were traumatized as a child in order to start our healing process and help our own children. This is where Christine and her team come in.

During the workshop last June 27, we were asked to write our Constellation of the Sentence of Intention (CoSI). In other words, what do you want to achieve or correct in your life? Given the limited time in the workshop, we were asked to write our most important intention - ideally the one that has been troubling us the most. It can be as deep as "I want to stop having anxiety attacks" to something as simple as "I want to get rid of all my pimples" so long as the statement has an "I", pertains to a goal and something you have not achieved.

You will then be partnered with a professional (trained) therapist who will help you identify the problem of your intention (i.e. why do you have anxiety attacks? why do you have pimples?). It is all very scientific and though psychology can sometimes feel like voodoo, we were assured that this is all science-based.

Allow me to share a little story about my own experience. During the workshop, I witnessed a lot of tears and realization with the other participants. When it was my turn, I felt that we were not able to fully uncover the root of my trauma. Christine's team from Singapore was kind enough to schedule me for another free 1:1 consultation two days later. Unfortunately, my schedule was full on their free day and they were set to fly back to Singapore the day after. The morning after the workshop, I started to pray and asked God to help reveal the underlying trauma to me. And guess what? He did! I had that 'tears and realization' moment while brushing my teeth.  It was such a great revelation to me.

The workshop was truly an eye opener for me. Learning about Trauma, identifying my CoSI and finding out what happened to me as a child are life-changing experiences. Though my realization came a day later through my conversation with the Lord, I also believe that God can use tools such as the workshop to help you uncover your past. This is just the same way God can either grant you healing through doctors and medicine, or He can heal you wherever you are - just like that.  Either way, acknowledging that the healing comes from the Lord is key for me.

Christine and her team will be back in Manila on August 21, 2015 for another workshop. You may register or inquire with Tin Dychiao at +63998 9711449. As parents, it would be great to bring your spouse to join you on this journey. 

I encourage you to check it out and discover for yourself. A lot of people have shared how the workshop has made them better husbands/wives and better parents. I can imagine why. Try it out and let me know how it turns out for you.

God bless!