One Sad December Morning

I still remember it vividly. The dreaded phone call that woke us up on that early December morning. I answered the phone and the nurse told me 'Mommy, punta na kayo dito. Nahihirapan na huminga si Tyler' [Mommy, you have to come quickly. Tyler is having difficulty breathing]. I immediately shared the news with my husband who was axiously sitting beside me. Without saying a word, both of us jumped out of bed, grabbed the nearest set of clothes we can find and rushed out to the car.

We hardly said anything on the way to the hospital. I remember how my hands felt so cold wrapped in Dens' hand. When we got to the parking lot, Dens' cellphone started to ring. I looked at the screen and saw that it was our pediatrician calling. Both of us were already out of the car but the doors were still open.  My heart sank and i gave Dens a terrified look. He stared at me and slowly answered the phone. He just said 'hello, dra?...okay...okay...bye' then he looked at me and i knew he wanted to embrace me and tell me it's going to be okay. But the car was between us and Dens looked stunned and couldn't move. I immediately knew what the pediatrician said. I collapsed to the ground and kept on asking Dens to call the pediatrician back and tell her we're already here. I wanted to tell her 'Please, wait for us! not yet!'

After those few seconds that felt like forever, Dens and i closed the car doors and started running up the hospital to the NICU. I was running and praying but i really didn't know how else to pray. When i got to the NICU, all the nurses and pediatrician were in Tyler's room. They were huddled around his little crib crying. I saw our lifeless baby boy wrapped in the light blue blanket that we had excitedly bought for him several happy months ago. He looked like he was just sleeping. I carried him and cried like i never cried before. I asked him to wake up but he never did. It was the saddest day of my life.

That was six years ago on December 9. Four days before my birthday. 16 days before Christmas.

Last night as Dens and i were about to go to sleep. We were laughing as we were viewing some pictures and videos of Troy and Dawn on my iPhone. I told Dens how blessed we are to have them. As i was about to sleep, i just couldn't stop praising God and thanking Him for our two beautiful children. I closed my eyes and smiled - God truly loves me. And my children are His reminder to me every single day. I just felt so happy.  Yesterday was December 9.

It's amazing how God restores. He restored my joy and my peace. He has turned our lives around by His love and grace.

Some of you may be going through a difficult time right now. Just like me, you may be thinking you will never be sincerely happy ever again. Know that God is amazing. He can touch your heart like you never thought possible. Don't lose hope.  Have faith in Him. I assure you He will never fail you!

Psalm 30:11 "You turned my mourning into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy"

I leave you with the best Christmas presents i can ever receive!

Best holiday store display in my opinion

neva | manilamommy  – (December 11, 2012 at 10:13 AM)  

Hi Tiff :) I still remember hearing about Tyler and that day when Dan and I visited you and Dens. I told Dan how you were taking things so well. It must be because you two are blessed with so much grace and you two are loved so much that you were able to see things through with a special sense of peace.

Thanks so much for sharing that verse. Sometimes I just need to be reminded of Him. Thank you Tiff for popping up whenever I need a supportive message hehe :) I'll be back at work next year. Sure ako I'll cry when I see you haha :D

Have a good holiday season!!

Tiffany  – (December 11, 2012 at 10:25 AM)  

Hey Nevs! Yes, i remember how you and Dan have been there for us during those difficult days. I will forever appreciate that.

Looking forward to see you next year, Nevs. Wag ka umiyak kasi for sure maiyak naman ako! haha! Enjoy the christmas season with Dan and your 2 boys!

Karsten Taniegra  – (February 24, 2013 at 4:31 AM)  

I can't imagine how painful it was! I wish your family well.. God bless you and family always!

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