Limiting the Use of Gadgets - Parents Edition

Once in a while, Dens and I would have talks with our children on how we can do better as parents. During one of our recent discussions, my 5-year old daughter said "I wish mommy would not look at her iPhone too much". Eeps! Dens has been telling me the same thing for quite some time now but hearing it from my children was truly a wake-up call.

Social media has admittedly been a great tool to stay in touch with friends.  It bridges the physical gap and allows us to stay connected with those we rarely see.  However, I also realized recently that constantly catching up with friends on social media has been making me lose face time with the people that I am physically with. With that, Dens and I have recently agreed to limit the use of our phones while we are with the family. We would check messages and respond to urgent ones but limit the chats to when we are alone or when the kids are busy with their own activities.

Doing so has made me more present for my children. I realized that being present can translate to something as simple as looking at my children's eyes when they are talking to me. It means I no longer respond to their questions while staring at the 2 x 5 screen on my hand. 

In this gadget-laden world where we, as parents, try to find means and ways to limit our children's screen time, I wonder what example we are modeling.

A few nights ago, as I was putting the kids to sleep, we sat on the bed as we usually do.  But on this particular night, I turned off my phone and placed them on the night table beside our bed.  I listened attentively as my children told me about their favorite animals and the toys they are currently saving up for. While I stared at their wide little eyes and the excited smiles on their faces, I remembered that childhood is fleeting. And with my gadget-free hands, I embraced my children and pray that they will always know how precious they are to me.

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100% Thumbsuck-free

Remember last May when I was telling you about how we got our 4-year old daughter, Dawn, to finally be 99% thumbuck-free (read here)?  And how our progress deteriorated two months later (read here)? Well, I am happy to report that we are now 100% thumbsuck-free!

 

I know a number of you also struggle with the same habits. I mean, not you personally (I hope) but your children. So let me share with you how we were able to overcome the elusive 1%.

 

I'd say our journey to be 100% thumbsuck-free involved a lot of prayers and some parenting trial and errors. The past months were pretty much a roller coaster ride for Dawn as far as her sleeping habits are concerned. There were nights when we'd be thumbsuck-free and then suddenly the next night we're back to the old habit. Through those nights, Dawn and I never stopped praying. Every night she'd pray that she will not thumbsuck anymore and I know she has tried her best to avoid it. While I know that God can miraculously help her stop to thumbsuck in a blink of an eye, I also know that sometimes God uses people and other means to help us achieve our goal. The key is to constantly trust in Him during the waiting period.

 

A month or so ago, a friend of mine shared how her daughter stopped to thumsuck after using Manicare's Bite No More solution. This treatment was actually formulated to stop nail biting but it worked for their daughter's thumbsucking habit. After only two weeks of continued use, their daughter was able to kick the bad habit. So my friend gave me the solution to try on Dawn.

source

We decided to give it a try during our recent trip to Baguio. I woke up extra early the morning of our trip and applied the treatment on Dawn's fingernails while she was sleeping.  I also placed some on my fingernail and tasted it hours later just so I know the effect on her. It tasted so bitter and left an awful taste in my mouth! I was a little concerned on how she would react but thought it was worth a shot anyway.

 

Dawn slept through most of the ride to Baguio in her car seat. When we woke up her during one of our stop overs, she told me she needed to go to the ladies room because she wanted to vomit. She never really vomited so I thought it was probably just her cough giving her the gag reflex.

 

That night, Dawn woke me in the middle of the night in tears. She said she feels sad because her cough is making her 'not enjoy' to thumbsuck (her words). She said 'Remember when I said I wanted to vomit in the car? It was because my mouth and throat felt ouchy after I thumbsuck' .  I believe she was referring to the lingering bitter taste but could not describe it. Anyhow, long story short, she said she will never thumbsuck again. And that was how we were able to overcome the final 1% and be 100% thumbsuck-free.

It's been over a week now and she has not even attempted to thumbsuck. The bitter memory (pun intended) of the day she wanted to vomit was just too awful to be repeated. I have not told her about the 'magic potion' and will probably not do so until a very long time. I may eventually tell her or she may find out once she starts reading this blog. Either way, I am sure she will be thankful that her thumbsucking ordeal is finally over.

To those of you with kids who are still struggling with this  habit, do check out Manicare's Bite No More. I don't think it's available in the Philippines yet but you should be able to purchase it from the pharmacies in Singapore like Guardian or online for about SGD11.50 per bottle.

Try it!  Don't forget to cover this strategy with much prayers and let me know how it goes.

 

 

 

 

 

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The Sleeping Habits of Dads and Moms

Are you a light or deep sleeper?

 

Before I had children, I am generally a deep sleeper. Once I fall asleep, I sleep through the night. Make whatever noise you want and it won't bother me. You can turn on the lights or even the radio and I won't budge. Motherhood happened and changed all that. I surprise myself by the little things that can possibly wake me up. A faint creaking sound of the crib that tells me the baby is awake, a tiny cough or the pitter patter of tiny feet walking to the bed.  I was pretty amazed at this realization. It's almost like a miracle how most women develop bionic ears once the babies are born. Maybe this is really how God designed the female human body.

 

But let's not forget the men. Before we had children, my husband was such a light sleeper. He needed the lights completely turned off before bedtime. Night lights keep him awake so lampshades must be turned off and the room must be pitch black. I cannot watch television because even the tiniest volume would stir him up. I always complied because I knew it was hard to change sleeping habits. Or so I thought. One tiny miracle changed all that. His name is Troy.

 

When our little baby was born, my husband suddenly became the deepest sleeper ever. EVER. Troy screams and cries non-stop and he does not seem to hear it. I turn on the light to check on the baby but he does not seem to mind anymore.  What happened to the light sleeper that I married? And I am not just trashing my husband and venting here.  For some reason, he said he seriously does not hear it. Strange. To give him credit though, those times when I practically shove him out of the bed had to wake him up, he readily helps me. I will redeem my husband by saying he's a very hands-on father and I cannot complain. I remember how my cousin-in-law (Father) was telling me how his kids slept through the night since birth. Then my cousin (Mother) reacted 'What?! No, they did not!'. So apparently the Father just did not hear the cries.

 

Maybe that's just how men and women are wired through parenthood. What about you? How did your sleeping habits change with kids?

 

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The Beauty of Tutoring Our Children

Who loves to tutor their kids? I am sure most, if not all, moms do not enjoy being the resident tutor. Some days the kids amaze you at their speed of learning but there are also those days when you just want to pull your hair.

 

I, for one, have not been a fan of tutoring the kids. It usually starts out on a very pleasant note. Everyone sits down and happily listens to you. Then they start to get restless and you start to get impatient. Then before you know it, voices are raised and books starts to fly. Okay, I'm exaggerating on the last part. I don't really throw books but that is what I feel like doing sometimes.

 

Since our children's first language is now English, the Filipino subject is often the most difficult to study. I mean, they cannot even understand the instructions written in Filipino! But we try our best to review and lately, we have been persevering.

 

A few weeks ago my four-year old daughter had her mid-term exams in Filipino and she came home excited because she got a really high score. When her teacher and yaya told her she did a good job, she consistently replied "Because mommy helped me!".  Two weeks later my seven-year old son also had an exam in the same challenging subject. When he got home the day of the exam, he told me that his teacher told him he did a great job. He said he told the teacher "It's because mommy stayed up all night reviewing me".  Then last Monday as I was waiting for him at soccer practice, he saw me and ran to me with so much excitement. He said "Mom! I got 100% in my Filipino exam!" and he went on to say that the first thing he said when the teacher gave him his test papers were "Mom will be so happy!"

 

The past weeks' incidents inspired me to try my best to be a better tutor to my children. I never realized how much my children value the time I spend helping them with their school work.  And you know what? Something changed in our study time. There are now more laughter than tears. On most days, my children look forward to studying with me and I value the time we spend together even if it's over books and homework. I realized that I have become more patient and they have now appreciated the results of their hard work.

 

I have often told Dens that I don't need our children to always be at the top of their class. My priority is for them to enjoy school and value education. But now I am also realizing that getting good grades does not only mean avoiding failure. It is also a means to encourage them and let them know that they are capable.

 

So to all tutoring moms out there, there is so much value in what we are doing. On days when you feel like you're wasting so much time going over the difference of Panghalip and Panghalip Panao, know that time with our children is never wasted time. We are building their character and molding them to be confident individuals that can change the world, one subject at a time.

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Common Sense Media

This week my friend shared this App with me that I think every parent should have on their smart phones. With the amount of screen time our children have these days, it is almost impossible not to be affected by the things they see on TV or play on their devices. The best thing we can do is to filter the movies they watch, know the values they get from watching certain TV shows, and learn how the online games they play affect their personalities.  This is where Common Sense Media comes in.

Common Sense Media helps families make smart media choices. We offer the largest, most trusted library of independent age-based and educational ratings and reviews for movies, games, apps, TV shows, websites, books, and music. 

During our weekend family movie time, we have both kids with us so we need to ensure the movie that we will be watching will be appropriate for our four-year old yet still entertaining for our seven-year old. Common Sense Media allows you to filter through a given age range. In my case I always set it to 4 to 7 so that it covers the ages of both my children. 

Now another great feature is that you can customize the App to your own child's gender and age. It will then select shows that are good for them.

 

You can also do searches of the shows or games that you kids love. The site will give you a good indication of what the programs are teaching your child.

There is no doubt that traditional and digital media gives great entertainment value. But it is important for us, as parents, to use it wisely. This way our children will be able to use it as a tool to learn new skills and accomplish amazing things.

Now don't you agree that all parents must have the Common Sense Media App on hand? Because, admit in, in this crazy parenting world, common sense is sometimes not so common.

 

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Authority and Influence

This morning as i was driving to work, i stumbled upon a Parenting Podcast and decided to listen to it. The speaker was a minister named Paul. He has two teenage boys and he talked about discipline and instilling better communication with our children. Among all the insightful things that he shared, one illustration stayed with me. Based on his explanation, i have drawn the image below.

The purple rectangular box represents your discipline style. The numbers below represents your child's age from 1 to 18. The blue line starting from the bottom-right corner going up represents your level of influence over your child. While the line that starts from the upper-right hand side going down represents your level of authority over your child. Now with those information on hand, look at the diagram again. What does that tell you?

 

As our children get older, there is an autonomy that naturally grows within them.  That means that they would start to make their own decisions more and more, and depend on us less and less. It is very important to understand that the effectiveness of our parenting style should also be shifting as our child grows older.  When they are young, we can still use our authority over them to get them to listen.  But as they mature, we must gradually shift to molding them through our influence. So referring to the chart, my daughter at four years old is still largely dependent on my authority over her. For my son, who is already seven, is now at a stage when he wants to exercise a certain level of autonomy and make his own decisions. While I can still effectively teach him through my authority, I must also understand that he is now at a stage where my influence is also just as important. The problem with parents who do not understand this shift in parenting style is that they continue to impose their authority over their teenage children which causes the child to rebel against them.

 

So our question now is how do we build our influence over our children? The key here is to instill good communication while they are young. Face to face time is very important for young children. This can happen over meals or while you are playing toys with them. Just talk to them and have them build a habit of sharing their lives with you.  Dens and I are still working on getting more FaceToFace Time with the kids these days so it's still a work-in-progress.  We do this by playing a game before we go to sleep. Each one of us gets to ask a general question such as 'What is your favorite animal?' or 'What is your favorite family activity?' then we go around guessing each others' answers. That way we learn more about each other in a fun way. Notice how i say we "learn about each other" and not that we "learn more about our children"? As much as we want to know more about the kids through communication, it is also very important that we share about ourselves and allow them to get to know us, their parents, too. It builds trust and openness that will hopefully translate to better communication during their teenage years.

 

Another way to make yourself an effective influencer is, of course, through modelling. I have spoken about how effective this method is in a previous post (Click here to read about it). And honestly, this should be the easiest parenting tool for us. We just become the kind of people we want our children to be and that's it. Easier said that done, I know. But we cannot expect them to do things we cannot do ourselves. Similar to putting on oxygen masks in an airplane emergency, we need to help ourselves first before we can effectively help our children.

 

How old is your child now? Is authority still an effective parenting tool? Or should you already start gravitating towards influence? Think about it. Maybe it's time to reconsider our parenting style. At the end of the day, we should always seek God's guidance when setting controls for authority in our home. And when it comes to being a good role model to our kids, let us all be the hero that we already are in our children's eyes. And let us become the person that they would like to be when they grow up.

 

Psalm 19:7 "The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple"

 

 

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How My Daughter Stopped to Thumbuck. A Continuation...

A lot of you have been asking me questions on my post regarding How My Daughter Stopped to Thumbsuck last May. If you have not read that post, please do so before you proceed to read the rest of this story.

On my second to the last paragraph, i mentioned how my daughter was already 99% thumbsuck-free. While 99% is good, it's still not 100%. Now let me tell you what I discovered about that elusive 1% the past two months.

During our recent trip to Hawaii, i noticed that my daughter was starting to degress in her non-thumbsucking habit. Or to put it clearly, my 99% success rate slowly turned to 90% then maybe 80% successful. You're probably wondering the same thing as I did. What happened?

I was reading Mark Batterson's book entitled The Circle Maker the past month. One chapter talked about how the Israelites were asked to walk around the city of Jericho for seven days. This was the Lord's instruction before they can conquer the promised land.

Joshua 6: 3-4

 

March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams' horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets.

If you have not heard about this story, let me be a spoiler and tell you what happened in the end. The walls of Jericho came tumbling down on the seventh day and the Israelites were able to conquer the city that God has promised them.

Now let's go back a few days and put ourselves in the shoes of the Israelites. After one round or two, our faith may be intact. But imagine going around on the 5th day...then the 6th day...maybe some of us will already be wondering when the promise will come. I remember our Pastor mentioned during his preaching a few months ago that 'Faith is easy in 5 minutes. But walking in faith continously again and again and again is difficult'. How true is that? If you are praying for something and the answer comes immediately, then it does not require much faith, does it? But if the answer takes days, weeks, months or even years later, our faith may start to dwindle.

But here's the good news. Our God is a promise keeper. Miracles happen when we do not give up. Imagine if the Israelties decided to stop circling the wall of Jericho on the 6th day. They would have forfeited the miracle and promise of God.

And that's where my realization came in with Dawn's thumbsucking habit. I stopped praying on the 6th round. When i thought my prayer was already 99% answered, i was too happy and forgot to contiously pray for it. I did not fully reach God's promise for me. This is why the complete breakthrough did not happen. I quit praying just before the miracle was scheduled to happen.

What a sad realization it was. I asked the Lord for forgiveness and committed to once again pray for Dawn. My God is a God of second chances. Remember my post on forgiveness post on forgiveness? I know my God will redeem me. 

And here's something else you  need to know. 

Joshua 6:2

 

Then the Lord said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its kings and its fighting men"

 

You know what is amazing with this verse? The word "Delivered" is spoken in the past tense.  The Lord said it even before the Israelites started  circling the wall. The battle was won even before the battle began.

 

I am now circling God's promise again to make Dawn completely stop this [thubmuscking] habit. I don't know if I am now on my 6th round or back to my 1st. Nevertheless I can pray believing that God's answer will come. In fact, given that God has already won the battle for me, I should already be praising God for it.

 

When the time comes that we are 100% thumbsuck-free, I will share the 3rd part of this journey with you and pray that you also be blessed by our story.

 

Philippians 4:6-7

 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

 

 

 





 

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How My Daughter Stopped to Thumbsuck

Dawn practically came out of the womb with her thumb in her mouth.  She loved to thumbsuck!  When she was less than a year old, most of our friends who see her thumbsuck would always tell me that babies who thumbsuck are 'good babies'. While it may be an old folklore, I guess it also stemmed from the fact that they are easily soothed and therefore cry less.

When Dawn turned two and the habit continued, I started to get a little concerned. I read some articles and got tips from friends whose children overcame this habit. From putting vinegar or chili on her thumb (both of which i did not dare try) to putting a band-aid around her finger. The latter, of course, did not work because she can easily remove it.

Three years later and we were still thumbsucking. I got more concerned because her thumb was developing marks and her teeth were already being pushed forward. I tried negotiating with her and even offering to give her prizes if she can go overnight without thumbsucking (i know it's not the best parenting trick but i was desperate). All of which did not work.

When January 2015 rolled in, I made a list of my faith goals for this year. Similar to when i prayed for Troy's leg healing in 2013.  Among other goals was for Dawn to stop this bad habit.  I knew it was impossible to curb this habit without the Lord's help. 

When Dawn was about to turn four in February, she went to visit her dentist, who also happens to be my sister-in-law.  When she came home, she told me that her aunt explained what will happen to her teeth when she thumbsucked.  So I explained that her aunt was right and how she might get crooked teeth if she does not stop. Then she asked how crooked teeth looked like. So i pulled up some google images of crooked teeth to show her and she was horrified! And you know what, she stopped thumbsucking that very night! I could not believe it. God answered my faith goal in just one month!

Four years of my own efforts proved useless compared to one powerful prayer lifted in faith. The Lord does amazing things. It's been three months now and we're 99% thumbsuck-free. I say 99% because Dawn sometimes forget so we need to constantly remind her. She would usually quickly remove her thumb and say sorry.

What is your parenting struggle now? I still have a long list but I can rest in the assurance that my God is bigger than my struggles. What a great comfort for us parents that we can lean on a mighty Father who loves our kids even more than we do. Whatever it is that you're struggling with, lift it up to the Lord. He is just a prayer away.

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Be Still

I'd like to tell you a story. It's a long one and I'm not quite sure where to start. I shared a part of it in our church last month when i was asked to give a message. So to those who heard that message, i guess you can think of this as 'behind-the-scenes'.  So anyway, i am just going to talk about it chronologically without worrying too much about how the sentences are constructed or whether I'm following the correct writing rule. I am going to tell this story as candidly as i can and hope that the message comes across to you.

About 3 months ago, I went through a rather difficult time in various aspects of my life. From work to parenting to my church commitments. It just felt like so many things are happening and i was losing control and not being on top of things.  I started reading self-help books and  found one parenting book that was very enlightening. It tackled a lot of my immediate challenges and i thought it was the answer to a huge part of my worries at that time.  I carried the book around wherever i went, practically highlighting entire pages as i read along.

Along with reading the self-help books, Dens and i decided to pray and fast for a week. On day 1 of our fast, the Lord spoke to us through Psalm 46:10. The verse says "Be still and know that I am God". It sounded comforting to me but I wasn't really sure what to do about it. On day two, the Lord spoke to us about the Parable of the Growing Seed in Mark 4.

"God’s kingdom is like seed thrown on a field by a man who then goes to bed and forgets about it. The seed sprouts and grows—he has no idea how it happens."

I particularly like the last part where it says the man has no idea how it happens. Because this tells me that it was all the Lord's work. The man just did his part and went to bed without much thought or worry. Then he wakes up to see how the seed has grown.

Curiously, on that same day, i lost the parenting book that i loved so much. Then i was reminded of the Lord's message through Mark 4. Rely more on the Lord than on technique. I have been so anxious applying the things that i learned from the book that i forgot to pray and seek guidance from the Lord. The same thought came to mind on my work and church commitments. Then i understood Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God".

Fast forward to present day. Last Saturday while we were in the car, my 3-year old daughter suddenly told us how she fell from a bus and had blood all over. I asked where she got the idea since that has never happened. But she did not answer and started talking about something else. This morning, she woke me up at 5am because she wanted to go to the bathroom. When we were about to get ready to go back to bed, she told me the exact same bus story but this time with talks of broken legs and blood from the head. She also mentioned that i was trying to pull her out. It scared me to the pit of my stomach. The only thing i could say then was 'Can i pray with you?' and she said yes. I prayed and cancelled that thought. I asked God not to remind her of that story anymore if it was not from Him. I, of course, also prayed that He will grant me peace"  I spent the rest of the morning (until my alarm clock went off at 6:30am) just lying down and embracing her. With so much tears, i kept on praying to the Lord for clarity and wisdom to know what to do with this story.

On my way to work, i shared the story with my sister, Trixie. I shared with her that somehow i felt that it was just the Lord's reminder for a prayer revival within me.  Truth be told, i haven't had a really good prayer time with the Lord the past month or so.  There was just no motivation. And honestly, after this morning's story, i can tell you that i am driven to pray now more than ever.  Then, halfway through our car ride, my sister called me and showed me something.  There was a vendor outside with a message at the back of his shirt.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"

It took me a few seconds to absorb the message.  Then His peace just washed over me.  I had to quickly take a picture before our car started moving again so that i can share this with you.

Isn't the Lord amazing? He allows fear to bring us back to Him but gently embraces us with His love and grace.  I am filled with so much love for my Savior and I am in awe of His goodness.  I am writing this with tears and i am beyond words. May you also experience Him in such a powerful way and I can assure you, your life will never be the same again.

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Growing Up with Integrity

The past months have been a roller coaster ride for me on the parenting front. There were good days and not-so-good days. Our son is six and is growing up to be a fine young man.  But of course, as with most kids, he is a work-in-progress.  He may be more outspoken than i hope at times, or more active than my feet can take. But one thing i am noticing more and more is that he is growing up with a strong sense of integrity. 

Troy loves to play soccer. Give him a ball and he will run with it and practice his high-kicks wherever he is.  But last week he has been down with the flu so i told him not to play soccer during lunch breaks to avoid dehydration.  Yesterday when he came home from school, he asked me if he can already go back to playing soccer during lunch. I said as much as possible it's best that he doesn't because i don't want him to get sick again. He explained how his friends played that day and that he was not able join them because i asked him not to.  I felt bad for him but was also very proud that he kept his word. He asked me if he can already play the next day and i just replied with 'We'll see tomorrow'.   

Today at around 12:30pm, we got a call from the school. Troy wasn't sure if he was already allowed to play soccer so he went to the school's admin office to borrow the phone and ask for our permission.  My heart swelled with pride at his honesty. He could have just gone ahead to play soccer and we won't have a way of knowing it.  But he knew he kept a promise with us and he wanted to do the right thing. My cousin recently shared something on Facebook that says 'Your true character comes out when nobody is watching' - and that's true. That's where integrity comes in.

Our children are indeed a work-in-progress. But who isn't, right? I'm in my thirties and i know the Lord is still molding me to be the kind of person He wants me to be.  What is important is that we, as parents, instill good moral values in them that will bring them a step towards being a better person.  Even as a parent, i am still a work-in-progress. Each day i learn something new. I've learned a lot of parenting tricks and techniques through the past years, but one thing i know is that my greatest coach is Jesus Christ. He is and will always be our best resource in bringing our children up.

And in case you're wondering, we did allow Troy to play soccer today.  He kept his word and i think that deserves a reward.

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Forced Independence

About two weeks ago, I flew to Thailand for a vacation with the two kids sans Dens. It was a planned family vacation but more urgent things came up and Dens had to stay behind.

Now if you've been following our family's journey through this blog, you would know that Troy is now 6 years old and Dawn is 3. Both of my kids can be quite spirited when excited and especially when they're with each other. I was quite anxious about the trip, unsure whether i can truly handle them on my own.  So i spoke with Troy two days prior to our departure.  I explained how Dens cannot join us to the trip anymore.  Given that Troy is very close to Dens, i was prepared to hear some "I don't want to go if papa is not going" speech. But what he said caught me by surprise. He answered "Oh, that's okay, mom. I'll just be the Papa in Thailand and help you take care of Dawn"  Oh wow, i was taken aback. I didn't know how to answer that so i just hugged him and thanked him for being such a good boy. Truth is, sure i was touched, but i was honestly not confident that he would live up to his promise. Two days later, Troy proved me wrong.

We woke up at 5:30 in the morning in time for our 9am flight. Troy was instantly cooperative, getting dressed by himself (he never did this before). When we got to the airport, he offered to push Dawn's stroller so that i can take care of the luggage. He helped entertain Dawn and helped her put both their backpacks on the X-ray machine for checking. Troy amazed me. He asked me to call him 'Little Papa' during the trip. He did not forget.  When we got to Thailand, he decided he was big enough to take a bath by himself.  He even helped me convince Dawn to eat when she's not in the mood. Sure he was still playful a lot of times and needed me to remind him that he's the little papa. He's not perfect. I'm not either.  But what a transformation. When we came back from the trip, Dens also noticed his new confidence and sense of independence.

Our kids are more prepared to be independent that we give them credit for. More often that not, if the situation calls for it (i.e. no choice), then that's when you will see them rise to the challenge. A lot of  my friends told me that their kids learned to be independent when they lost the yaya...some when they migrated abroad. I guess the bottom line is that we, as parents, must stop treating them as babies. Treat them like grown-ups and that's what they will be.

Here's to my little 6-year old hero. One day you will read this post and i'd like you to know how proud i am of you! I love you more than you will ever know.

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Quick Guide on How to Raise a Happy, Successful, and Cooperative Child

I got this a long long time ago from Pam's blog and saw i would like to share this with you.  

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What's Your Bedtime Routine?

My husband, Dennis, and i are very active in our church.  We host 2 bible studies every other week at home and attend prayer meetings every Wednesday.  There are some nights when the 2 bible studies will happen on the same week which will leave us only 4 out of 7 nights with the kids minus ad hoc dinner with friends and 1 date night.

Every day when i get home from work, my kids will always ask me 'Mom, do you and papa have bible study tonight?'  This is usually followed by sad "awwww's" when we say Yes or happy "yaaaay's" when we say No.  This made me rethink the impression we are building on our  kids about time with God. I realized that as much as we are modeling good Christian habits to them, "Bible Studies" have now become the enemy that is taking their parents' time away from them.

At the start of this year, Dens and i decided that the best way for them to appreciate Bible Studies is to have one themselves. And since we firmly believe that we should  never depend on others to build good values on our children, we decided to host our 3rd Bible Study at home.  This time, with our children.

My Son turned 6 just a couple of  months ago and my daughter is only 3. I wondered how we can make Bible Studies fun and interesting for them. So we started with this simple format:

Opening Prayer 

(we rotate on who will do the opening prayer)

Glad & Sad Time

(talking about things that made you happy and sad today)

Bible Story 

(Dens is always the one telling the story but Troy has recently taken on the responsibility on some nights)

Closing Prayer

(we sit around and each person gets to pray)

The kids loved it so much that we have now made our supposedly weekly bible studies into an almost nightly ritual. We do Bible studies with them every night before going to bed. Sometimes we do 'Guessing Game' instead of Glad & Sad where we guess each person's favorites. I found it to also be a fun way of getting to know our children more (and vice versa).  We have now even incorporated film showing where we watch a 5 to 10-minute video of the Bible story that we learned that night. I usually just search for the cartoon on YouTube and we'd watch it together before praying.  Having this bedtime routine has been very rewarding for our family. When i get home these days, my  kids have changed their question to 'Can we have Bible study tonight?'  

Consciously striking a good balance of our time between church and the kids has effectively given them a fun concept of learning the Bible.  I may sometimes need to rearrange our schedule to avoid having too  many church events in a week.  And i know that's all right. After all, our children's spiritual growth is our ministry too.

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Sacrificial Love

I have been sick the past week. I stayed in bed for four whole days and it was just awful most of the time. I say most of the time because I have to admit - this forced rest can be good for me sometimes. I slept for hours guilt-free and spent my waking hours watching the kids play on one side of the room, catching up on the telenovelas that i've missed and reading my Bible. But the stomach cramps and the endless throwing up was just a pain (literally and figuratively).

During those 4 days, I saw how my two little kids went out of their way to take care of me. My 5-year old diligently got me water, answered phone calls, and fetched things for me from all over the house since i can barely stand most of the time. My 2-year old is a little too small for chores but she did something that also melted my heart. If you have been reading this blog the past week, you would have read about my clingy little girl whose daily plea was to stick with me. On Day 3 of my house arrest, my daughter contacted fever. Since we knew my immune system was down, we didn't want to risk contaminating each other with whatever virus each of us had.  After waking up from her nap and discovering her high temperature, my daughter called me from her brother's room. This was how our conversation went.

Me: Hello?
Dawn: Hello, Mom?
Me: Hi Dawnie!
Dawn: Mom, i have fever so i can't go to your room.
Me: Aww...okay anak.
Dawn:  I'll just drink medicine so that i will feel better, okay?
Me: Okay
Dawn (almost in tears): I miss you, Mommy!

If you know my daughter, you will know how much of a sacrifice this was for her. When she woke up middle of that night (usually to breastfeed), i went to her bed. Then i told her i cannot feed her tonight. She just said 'Embrace only, Mommy'.  And embrace her i did. In tears.

Looking at all the things my two kids did for me during my 4-day confinement made all those days sacrificing my own enjoyment for them oh-so-worth it.  As young as they are, they understood the meaning of sacrificial love.

This made me think of a lot of Christians these days. A lot of us go through life without appreciating the sacrifice that Jesus Christ did on the cross for us. We know it happened. We know what it was for. But the level of appreciation it commands just isn't there.  I have been reading the book of Matthew the past weeks and it was just a wonderful eye opener for me. I cannot imagine how God would sacrifice His own son to die a harsh death just so people who have yet to know and love Him will be saved. Such unconditional, extravagant, sacrificial love.

Think about it. For what the Lord has done for us, how much have we been willing to sacrifice for Him? That 10 minutes of your day to read your Bible and morning devotion? That 5 minutes of prayer time before going to bed? Skipping that telenovela once a week for prayer meeting? Or even the 'humiliation' of raising our hands when we worship Him in church. Remember, the humiliation that Jesus went through for us goes way beyond just raising those hands up.

John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. That whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life"

On this day of love, i pray that our appreciation of God's sacrifice goes beyond words. May our actions reflect the gratitude in our hearts. He deserves all honor, glory and praise. Thank you, Lord. We love you!

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The Day I Became a Person and a Half

It was around six in the morning when the nurses came and wheeled me to the operating room. After waiting for over 38 weeks, I was very excited to meet my little girl...and, quite frankly, also looking forward to relieving myself from the weight that has been causing me sleepless nights and lower back pains. After a little over an hour, our beautiful baby girl was born. 72 hours later, i felt pregnant again.

Being our second baby (technically 3rd but that's another story), we felt like seasoned parents. We knew how to fix our breastfeeding schedule and prepare ourselves for the midnight shifts. But my daughter was different from her brother somehow. She was so attached to me (and no one else) like a stick to a glue.  When she cries in the middle of the night, she only wanted me to carry her. When i let her co-sleep with us on the bed, she'd prefer to sleep on my tummy instead. When we're out, she'd cuddle inside the sling 99% of the time. It was, in a way, easier for me since she was quick to pacify. The only problem was, the only effective pacifier was me.

Almost three years later, nothing has changed. Last December we had a 2-week vacation abroad and my daughter only wanted me to give her a bath, feed her, brush her teeth, carry her [sling or no sling], and even push her stroller.  That's right, push her stroller!  She'll check the back every now and then to make sure no one else has 'taken over' the stroller. I must admit feeling so loved and needed by your child is awesome in a lot of ways. But during those times when i just wanted to rest, it can get pretty stressful and literally back-breaking. Like i said, with the sleepless nights and backaches, it didn't feel too different from being pregnant.

I remember trying to shop in H&M with Dawn. I didn't want to let her walk around (and have to run after her) so i carried her most of the time.  There was an ongoing sale so the crowd was tight and the lines were long.  It was challenging to say the least.  So one afternoon, Dens decided i needed a break.  He took Dawn from me - amidst the tears and all (Dawn, not me) - so that i can go shopping for an hour with my sister. We excitedly ran to the nearest H&M to continue our shopping - leisurely this time. When i got there, the excitement started to fade away. I saw the clothes that i tried on when Dawn was with me and remembered how excited she looked when she said 'Mom, you look like a princess!' Then i saw the little hair accessories that Dawn diligently collected the first time we were there. She said some of those were for her and some were for me. Suddenly, my afternoon of leisure shopping wasn't as fun as i thought.  It truly felt like giving birth. Once the baby is out, you somehow feel like a part of you is now missing.

This made me realize to enjoy the present. Being a mom will surely limit my shopping habits once in a while. I may not be able to shop to my heart's content in factory outlets anymore. I may need to say goodbye to a  restful 8-hour sleep until they're all grown up. I may not always get to enjoy my meals as I make sure the little toddler is eating enough. But that's all right. The perks of being a mom far outweighs the challenges. The smiles you get each time you open your eyes in the morning. The embraces at night before you sleep. And the 'i love you's' that they so sincerely say.

I wonder how long my daughter will be this attached to me. But i will stop analyzing how to 'detach' her anymore. I will embrace this moment for as long as i can. Because not too long from now, she will have her own life...her own schedule...and she may not need me as much as she does now. And i will look back to this day with fondness and a deep sense of longing. Hoping that time did not have to move so fast.

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A 5-Letter Word of Healing

Okay, so what is a 5-letter word that is easy to pronounce but could be so hard to say?  


Image Source

I was driving my son to school one morning (okay, hold on. It was the driver who was driving but it sounded more dramatic that way...), when my 5-year old asked me. "Mom, what will God do to us when we do something wrong?" This question probably stemmed from a recent Bible story that i shared with him about The 10 Plagues of Egypt. So i told him "Well, there are consequences to our sins but God is always ready to forgive us" Then he asked "What should we do so that God will forgive us?" to which i replied "We should just say Sorry to Him. Do you think that's hard to do?" He gave it a little thought and said "Not really. It's just a word, Mom". 

I laughed at his answer but found a lot of truth in it. When it's really just a word, how come so many people find it so hard to say sorry?

One character in the Bible that i am always so interested to learn more about is David. After all of his faults, why did God still regard him to be a man after God's own heart? (Acts 13:22  God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.')  One revelation to me is how David always acknowledges his sins before God. God never required that we are all 100% perfect but He sees our hearts. He knows when we are sincere in our repentance towards Him.

The main reason why most of us find is so hard to apologize is another 5-letter word: PRIDE. We often allow pride to reign in our hearts and feel that saying sorry makes us less of a person.  It's still not easy but i am starting this new attitude with my family and close circle of influence.  I now remember to apologize to my husband when I know i've offended him, I say sorry to my children on days when i lose my temper and talk to them louder than i should (or in my son's words 'not properly'), and I always pray that God will allow me to be more sensitive each time i unconcsciouly (or even consciously) hurt others with my words and actions.

So when the need comes up again for us to apologize, i want you to think about this. Is your pride more importang than saving that relationship? Is your pride more important than obeying and pleasing the Lord?  Pray that God will grant you courage to say that simple 5-letter word sincerely. How difficult should it be anyway? After all, it's just a word.

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Adversity Quotient: How Resilient is Your Child?

When i was young, the only quotient that i was familiar with was Intelligence Quotient (IQ). Then i got to college and found out that there is also such a thing as Emotional Quotient (EQ). A few months ago, i learned from finance expert, Ms. Rose Fausto, that we also need to be conscious of having a strong Financial Quotient (FQ). So many quotients to consider!  Well, there's a new quotient that i learned three weeks ago during our #BetterMe session with Coach Pia that i'd like to share with you. Adversity Quotient (AQ).

The net describes AQ as the most scientifically robust and widely used method in the world for measuring and strengthening human resilience.  During the recent tyhpoon that hit the Visayas region in the Philippines, one of the most frequently-used term to describe the Filipinos was "resilient". I look at the survivors and can truly say that most of them exhibit a very strong AQ. They are undefeated.  

photo from rappler.com

How do we ensure that our children will have a strong AQ? Each time i look at my husband, i can feel that he is very emotionally and mentally strong. He can easily rank #1 in my list of friends and family with high AQ.

We touched on this topic during our last session with Coach Pia and i found it to be such an eye opener for me. Building our children's AQ means that we should not be overprotective of our children.  People who were NOT sheltered too much growing up will tend to have higher AQ.

One of the things that i've learned is not to over react when my child gets hurt. Sayang things like 'kawawa ka naman' lowers the child's resilience. He will grow up thinking everytime he gets hurt, he'll be 'kawawa'.  They will then start to develop self-pity and low self-esteem. The better response would be to check on the child and make sure he's okay. After the cut is attended to, then tell the child it will be fine and don't make a big deal out of it.

I am learning each day. There are days when i'm so tempted to say 'aww...' and over react when my child shows me his or her ouchy.  But then the principles of having High Adversity Quotient comes to mind and i stop myself from fawning over the child too much. Not to say i don't show concern but there is a better way of doing so without letting the child feel self-pity.

How about you? How high is your AQ? Having a strong self worth is also key to building your child's self esteem. Remember that our children looks at us and how resilient we are in times of difficulties. I am determined to be the best example for my children. I will show them that when times are hard, we should just shake it off and step up instead of wallowing in self-pity. As they say, when life throws you lemons, make lemonade.

Our talk that day was sponsored by Hewlet-Packard.  They talked about their new HP Deskjet Ink Advantage Printer series which i love! My favorite feature was how you can download an App on your smartphones or tablets and print remotely! I love all the arts and crafts project available in the App and even the reviewers that are excellent for our pre-schoolers who are learning to read and write. The good news is that HP Deskjet Ink Advantage Printers used to cost P4,990 but they recently brought down their prices to P3,545 only! It's an excellent gift for the whole family. You still have 9 days before Christmas to rush to the stores and buy them for your family!

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To eBook or Not to eBook?





photo from amazon.com

 With the growing popularity of eBooks, do you still buy books?

I have always been partial to buying actual books instead of downloading them. There is something magical about holding an actual book, turning the pages, and getting lost in the story.  However, the convenience of downloading an eBook and being able to access and read it anytime is just too tempting.  The past year, i have been converted convinced and have slowly transitioned to downloading e-books instead of buying them off the shelves.

I have always loved reading and that is one trait that i want my children to inherit. I am a believer that reading books regularly is the best way expand your knowledge and improve your communication skills. Troy is now five and is learning to read books on his own. He is excited about this newfound skill and have been trying to read and spell different words every day.

This made me think. My dad loves to read but i cannot remember a time when he explicitly encouraged me to read. So I wondered how i gained this love for reading.  Then i remember seeing the excitement of my dad each time he would buy a new book from the bookstore. He has now accumulated enough books to set up his own library. Ever since i was small, National Bookstore would be my dad's default shopping place. I would stay there with him until he is ready to go. I would grab some Archie comics and read them while i was there. Eventually, my dad noticed my love for reading and would usually ask me to choose a book each time we visit the bookstore. I felt like a kid wandering excitedly in a toy store looking for a newfound treasure.  My mom supported this hobby and also purchased newly released Archie comics or Sweet Valley books for me as she sees them.  Before i knew it, i already had a mini library of my favorite books at home.  As i grew up, i gained the habit of going to the bookstore and scouting for new books to read as we visited the malls.

The years passed and this habit slowly stopped with the advent of the internet and eBooks. You can now easily read interesting stories and ideas online. Books can now be downloaded as eBooks. The publishing industry is slowly becoming obsolete.

Then i had a thought. How can i instill the same love for reading to my children? I can encourage them as much as i can but if they don't see me reading books myself, i doubt how much of an impact my encouraging words would have on them. I still read a lot these days but it's usually through my iPhone. That doesn't tell the kids much, does it? For all i know, they are probably thinking i am just playing some new game or checking my Facebook account. Not much parental modeling here, people. So this is my new plan. Every once in a while, i will buy a book to read. Not download it as an eBook but go back to the bookstores and purchase some books once again. I'd like my kids to see me read. I don't want them to see me so engrossed on my gadget wondering whether i'm surfing, texting, or playing games. I want to teach them by example just as my dad did with me.

What a small price to pay in my continued quest to be a supermodel to my kids.

Deuteronomy 6: 6-7
 "⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

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No Moving Targets

It was a fine summer day.  Troy carefully wore his goggles and excitedly shouted “Mom, I’ll swim to you!” I happily obliged and moved farther. Then he said “Not so far, Mom!” So I moved closer to him and said “Okay, this is good. Now swim to me!” As Troy started swimming, I saw how good he is after two summers of swimming lessons. So I started to inch myself farther and then some. He eventually caught me.  When he looked up, he said “Mom, you moved!” Eeps. Yes, I did.

My friend Candy recently shared an article from the Straits Times entitled Giving Bright Kids a Head Start.  The article talked about a successful mom from Singapore, Pamela Lim, who raised five very successful children.  She shared a lot of interesting insights on parenting but one of her statements caught my attention.  She said [on homework] "No moving targets.  If they finish the agreed pages, I don't push them to do just a little bit more. Trust is hard to earn back once it's lost."  It was an eye opener for me.  Sometimes we tend to push our kids to do more when we feel they are capable.  Though our intention is to help them excel further, it may sometimes be counter-productive.  When we have already set goals for them, we should not change the goals as they progress. Very much like my swimming story, it does not always build confidence. And more often than not, it simply destroys trust.

Don't we often do the same in a lot of our daily activites? During mealtime, we often see parents say "Last 2 spoonfulls then you're done!". But when the last spoon goes in, the parent would sometimes go further by saying "Konti nalang! How about one super last one?"  We try to push their limits. We make our targets move.  

Isn't building trust more important than that one last spoonfull or those few inches further in the swimming pool? From today onwards, I will do my best to fix my targets.  No more moving targets in our family. Our children's trust in us is far more important.

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Do You Know How to Delegate?

Last weekend i found myself in a Strategic Planning seminar. The points that were raised were mostly applicable to organizations - whether it's a business, a church or other non-profit organizations. But when the speaker started talking about delegating, it struck me as a parenting lesson.

Are we, as parents, confident enough to delegate responsibilites to our children? It easier when our children are already adults. We endorse business decisions and other important responsibilities to them. But how about the younger ones? I gues the question we should ask ourselves is "how early should we start delgating responsibilites?"

When we were discussing delation during the seminar, the speaker explained that when we delegate, we must allow for a certain level of risk. But what is important is that the risks associated with the task is calculated. This means that you can easily recoup most of the damage should something go wrong. Likewise, the responsibilites that we delegate to our children should also be calculated based on their age. We give them responsibilites but make sure that it is age appropriate. More importantly, we should also ensure that the consequences of failure will not be life threatening. 

One of the things that Dens and i have recently talked about is allowing our kids to commute in the future. Dens is convinved that he does not want our kids to grow up dependent on private transportation. I agree with Dens 100 percent.  But there is a struggle within this paranoid mommy to allow for them to commute at such a young age.  Perhaps when they're 30?  Okay fine, 25?  I feel like allowing them to commute at a young age is like sending them off to war unprepared.  Dens started to commute when he was in gradeschool and i cannot imagine doing the same for my kids.  I told him maybe the first time Troy or Dawn will take the jeep, i will be trailing behind in our car. Dens didn't find it very funny. Maybe because he knew i was serious.

It's never easy to let go.  When we hold on to these parental responsibilites, our children will grow up in a very sheltered environment that will not allow them to thrive in the real world. It's important that we start delegating small responsibilities to them while they're young. It really does not have to be something big right away. For example, my 2-year old daughter is tasked to always pack her things away after she plays. She also helps me fix things at home and is always reminded to close the door after herself each time she leaves a room.  With my 5-year old, we often remind him to try to do things himself first before asking for help. When we watch movies in our TV room, he has learned to get water by himself.  Most of the time he would even get water for everyone else while he is at it.  Sometimes, other friends and family members would get anxious when they see Troy holding the pitcher because he might drop it and make a mess. For me, that's quite all right. Yes, he may spill the water sometimes but that's part of learning. In fact, he already knows to clean up after himself should that happen...in which case it becomes another teaching opportunity.  Again, the risk involved in the given responsibility is not life threatening so that is fine.

Maybe in a couple of years, i will be braver and allow my children to take the jeep. Until then, we will continue to train them at home and win these small battles. Maybe next time we will be ready for the war.

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