Forced Independence

About two weeks ago, I flew to Thailand for a vacation with the two kids sans Dens. It was a planned family vacation but more urgent things came up and Dens had to stay behind.

Now if you've been following our family's journey through this blog, you would know that Troy is now 6 years old and Dawn is 3. Both of my kids can be quite spirited when excited and especially when they're with each other. I was quite anxious about the trip, unsure whether i can truly handle them on my own.  So i spoke with Troy two days prior to our departure.  I explained how Dens cannot join us to the trip anymore.  Given that Troy is very close to Dens, i was prepared to hear some "I don't want to go if papa is not going" speech. But what he said caught me by surprise. He answered "Oh, that's okay, mom. I'll just be the Papa in Thailand and help you take care of Dawn"  Oh wow, i was taken aback. I didn't know how to answer that so i just hugged him and thanked him for being such a good boy. Truth is, sure i was touched, but i was honestly not confident that he would live up to his promise. Two days later, Troy proved me wrong.

We woke up at 5:30 in the morning in time for our 9am flight. Troy was instantly cooperative, getting dressed by himself (he never did this before). When we got to the airport, he offered to push Dawn's stroller so that i can take care of the luggage. He helped entertain Dawn and helped her put both their backpacks on the X-ray machine for checking. Troy amazed me. He asked me to call him 'Little Papa' during the trip. He did not forget.  When we got to Thailand, he decided he was big enough to take a bath by himself.  He even helped me convince Dawn to eat when she's not in the mood. Sure he was still playful a lot of times and needed me to remind him that he's the little papa. He's not perfect. I'm not either.  But what a transformation. When we came back from the trip, Dens also noticed his new confidence and sense of independence.

Our kids are more prepared to be independent that we give them credit for. More often that not, if the situation calls for it (i.e. no choice), then that's when you will see them rise to the challenge. A lot of  my friends told me that their kids learned to be independent when they lost the yaya...some when they migrated abroad. I guess the bottom line is that we, as parents, must stop treating them as babies. Treat them like grown-ups and that's what they will be.

Here's to my little 6-year old hero. One day you will read this post and i'd like you to know how proud i am of you! I love you more than you will ever know.

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A 5-Letter Word of Healing

Okay, so what is a 5-letter word that is easy to pronounce but could be so hard to say?  


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I was driving my son to school one morning (okay, hold on. It was the driver who was driving but it sounded more dramatic that way...), when my 5-year old asked me. "Mom, what will God do to us when we do something wrong?" This question probably stemmed from a recent Bible story that i shared with him about The 10 Plagues of Egypt. So i told him "Well, there are consequences to our sins but God is always ready to forgive us" Then he asked "What should we do so that God will forgive us?" to which i replied "We should just say Sorry to Him. Do you think that's hard to do?" He gave it a little thought and said "Not really. It's just a word, Mom". 

I laughed at his answer but found a lot of truth in it. When it's really just a word, how come so many people find it so hard to say sorry?

One character in the Bible that i am always so interested to learn more about is David. After all of his faults, why did God still regard him to be a man after God's own heart? (Acts 13:22  God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.')  One revelation to me is how David always acknowledges his sins before God. God never required that we are all 100% perfect but He sees our hearts. He knows when we are sincere in our repentance towards Him.

The main reason why most of us find is so hard to apologize is another 5-letter word: PRIDE. We often allow pride to reign in our hearts and feel that saying sorry makes us less of a person.  It's still not easy but i am starting this new attitude with my family and close circle of influence.  I now remember to apologize to my husband when I know i've offended him, I say sorry to my children on days when i lose my temper and talk to them louder than i should (or in my son's words 'not properly'), and I always pray that God will allow me to be more sensitive each time i unconcsciouly (or even consciously) hurt others with my words and actions.

So when the need comes up again for us to apologize, i want you to think about this. Is your pride more importang than saving that relationship? Is your pride more important than obeying and pleasing the Lord?  Pray that God will grant you courage to say that simple 5-letter word sincerely. How difficult should it be anyway? After all, it's just a word.

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Adversity Quotient: How Resilient is Your Child?

When i was young, the only quotient that i was familiar with was Intelligence Quotient (IQ). Then i got to college and found out that there is also such a thing as Emotional Quotient (EQ). A few months ago, i learned from finance expert, Ms. Rose Fausto, that we also need to be conscious of having a strong Financial Quotient (FQ). So many quotients to consider!  Well, there's a new quotient that i learned three weeks ago during our #BetterMe session with Coach Pia that i'd like to share with you. Adversity Quotient (AQ).

The net describes AQ as the most scientifically robust and widely used method in the world for measuring and strengthening human resilience.  During the recent tyhpoon that hit the Visayas region in the Philippines, one of the most frequently-used term to describe the Filipinos was "resilient". I look at the survivors and can truly say that most of them exhibit a very strong AQ. They are undefeated.  

photo from rappler.com

How do we ensure that our children will have a strong AQ? Each time i look at my husband, i can feel that he is very emotionally and mentally strong. He can easily rank #1 in my list of friends and family with high AQ.

We touched on this topic during our last session with Coach Pia and i found it to be such an eye opener for me. Building our children's AQ means that we should not be overprotective of our children.  People who were NOT sheltered too much growing up will tend to have higher AQ.

One of the things that i've learned is not to over react when my child gets hurt. Sayang things like 'kawawa ka naman' lowers the child's resilience. He will grow up thinking everytime he gets hurt, he'll be 'kawawa'.  They will then start to develop self-pity and low self-esteem. The better response would be to check on the child and make sure he's okay. After the cut is attended to, then tell the child it will be fine and don't make a big deal out of it.

I am learning each day. There are days when i'm so tempted to say 'aww...' and over react when my child shows me his or her ouchy.  But then the principles of having High Adversity Quotient comes to mind and i stop myself from fawning over the child too much. Not to say i don't show concern but there is a better way of doing so without letting the child feel self-pity.

How about you? How high is your AQ? Having a strong self worth is also key to building your child's self esteem. Remember that our children looks at us and how resilient we are in times of difficulties. I am determined to be the best example for my children. I will show them that when times are hard, we should just shake it off and step up instead of wallowing in self-pity. As they say, when life throws you lemons, make lemonade.

Our talk that day was sponsored by Hewlet-Packard.  They talked about their new HP Deskjet Ink Advantage Printer series which i love! My favorite feature was how you can download an App on your smartphones or tablets and print remotely! I love all the arts and crafts project available in the App and even the reviewers that are excellent for our pre-schoolers who are learning to read and write. The good news is that HP Deskjet Ink Advantage Printers used to cost P4,990 but they recently brought down their prices to P3,545 only! It's an excellent gift for the whole family. You still have 9 days before Christmas to rush to the stores and buy them for your family!

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