I'd like to tell you a story. It's a long one and I'm not quite sure where to start. I shared a part of it in our church last month when i was asked to give a message. So to those who heard that message, i guess you can think of this as '
behind-the-scenes'. So anyway, i am just going to talk about it chronologically without worrying too much about how the sentences are constructed or whether I'm following the correct writing rule. I am going to tell this story as candidly as i can and hope that the message comes across to you.
About 3 months ago, I went through a rather difficult time in various aspects of my life. From work to parenting to my church commitments. It just felt like so many things are happening and i was losing control and not being on top of things. I started reading self-help books and found one parenting book that was very enlightening. It tackled a lot of my immediate challenges and i thought it was the answer to a huge part of my worries at that time. I carried the book around wherever i went, practically highlighting entire pages as i read along.
Along with reading the self-help books, Dens and i decided to pray and fast for a week. On day 1 of our fast, the Lord spoke to us through Psalm 46:10. The verse says "Be still and know that I am God". It sounded comforting to me but I wasn't really sure what to do about it. On day two, the Lord spoke to us about the Parable of the Growing Seed in Mark 4.
"God’s kingdom is like seed thrown
on a field by a man who then goes to bed and forgets about it. The seed
sprouts and grows—he has no idea how it happens."
I particularly like the last part where it says the man has no idea how it happens. Because this tells me that it was all the Lord's work. The man just did his part and went to bed without much thought or worry. Then he wakes up to see how the seed has grown.
Curiously, on that same day, i lost the parenting book that i loved so much. Then i was reminded of the Lord's message through Mark 4. Rely more on the Lord than on technique. I have been so anxious applying the things that i learned from the book that i forgot to pray and seek guidance from the Lord. The same thought came to mind on my work and church commitments. Then i understood Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"
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Fast forward to present day. Last Saturday while we were in the car, my 3-year old daughter suddenly told us how she fell from a bus and had blood all over. I asked where she got the idea since that has never happened. But she did not answer and started talking about something else. This morning, she woke me up at 5am because she wanted to go to the bathroom. When we were about to get ready to go back to bed, she told me the exact same bus story but this time with talks of broken legs and blood from the head. She also mentioned that i was trying to pull her out. It scared me to the pit of my stomach. The only thing i could say then was 'Can i pray with you?' and she said yes. I prayed and cancelled that thought. I asked God not to remind her of that story anymore if it was not from Him. I, of course, also prayed that He will grant me peace" I spent the rest of the morning (until my alarm clock went off at 6:30am) just lying down and embracing her. With so much tears, i kept on praying to the Lord for clarity and wisdom to know what to do with this story.
On my way to work, i shared the story with my sister, Trixie. I shared with her that somehow i felt that it was just the Lord's reminder for a prayer revival within me. Truth be told, i haven't had a really good prayer time with the Lord the past month or so. There was just no motivation. And honestly, after this morning's story, i can tell you that i am driven to pray now more than ever. Then, halfway through our car ride, my sister called me and showed me something. There was a vendor outside with a message at the back of his shirt.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"
It took me a few seconds to absorb the message. Then His peace just washed over me. I had to quickly take a picture before our car started moving again so that i can share this with you.
Isn't the Lord amazing? He allows fear to bring us back to Him but gently embraces us with His love and grace. I am filled with so much love for my Savior and I am in awe of His goodness. I am writing this with tears and i am beyond words. May you also experience Him in such a powerful way and I can assure you, your life will never be the same again.
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