Healthy Relationships

Coach Pia

 Do you have a healthy relationship with your spouse? We often freely answer 'yes' or 'no' depending on how frequent we fight or argue at the time the question was asked. But the fact is, our lack of argument does not automatically equate to a healthy relationship. Here are some questions that you need to answer before you confidently say you have a healthy relationship.

1. Can you be yourself while nurturing your spouse?
2. Can you trust him/her?
4. Do you feel respected? Do you respect him/her?
5. Do you feel undertsood?

Sometimes, couples can act civil towards each other but there is no empathy. That is not a healthy relationship.

Last month, the SoMoms had another life coaching session with Coach Pia.  She taught us three strategies that we can use to help build a healthier relationship with our husbands.

1.     Work on your willingness and ability to fix the following seven aspects of your relationship.
  • Willingness and ability to maintain and develop trust in the relationship.  A lot of times we don't feel that there is a lack of trust so long there is no infidelity.  This is exactly how i felt until Coach Pia cited an example that hits a familiar cord. She said that wives often don't trust husbands enough to care for the kids the same way we do. I used to give 1,001 instructions to Dens whenever i will be leaving the kids with him. He would always respond sarcastically saying that i might be forgetting that he's the father and he loves the kids just as much.  Apparently, that is already an indication that there is a lack of trust.
  • Willingness and ability to learn continously. 
  • Willingness and ability to communicate openly.  This includes suspending judgement on the other person.
  • Willingness and ability to cooperate and create a plan. There has to be a willingness to come together and define common values and principles. There is lack of cooperation in relationships where the one often jokes that 'sya naman lagi nasusunod eh'.
  • Willingness and ability to adapt and be flexible.  Acknowledging that the two of you have
    different personalities and values is an essential first step to adapting and being flexible.
  • Willingness and ability to let go and forgive. 
  • Willingness and ability to sacrifice.
In all of the aspects above, there should be a willingness (your positive disposition) and ability (your skill) to deliberately choose to work on one aspect at a time.

2. Understand and transcend my personal ego.

The 'Ego' is our natural instinct to preserve ourselves.  We should not be bothered by what others think. At the end of the day, that's just our ego being bothered.

I want to also share some insights from my devotion the past weeks. I read last our integrity is measured not by what we/others say about ourselves but by what God says about us. Seeking God's approval should be our top priority. 

Psalm 86:11 says "Teach me your way, O Lord, that i will walk in Your truth; Give me an undivided heart, that i may fear your name"

3.  Fill the relationship with unconditional love and acceptance.

Be humble.  Be open to choose to nurture and help your partner to be the best that he can be. Love him beyond words.  

Beautiful reminders.  A lot of times we are so focused on the faults of our husbands or wives that we fail to see the things that we should also correct ourselves.  As Matthew 7:3 says "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

Thank you, Coach Pia.  Here's to another step towards a #BetterMe.

You can learn from Coach Pia too by signing up for One Core's seminars. Check out their faebook page here - click One Core

Our seminar was held in the new Sequoia Hotel in Quezon City. They have nice function rooms that are ideal for parties or seminars. The hotel restaurant, Ombu, caters all events. They serve great food at reasonable prices. Check out my review of the restaurant - click Ombu.

Finally, i'd like to also thank BPI ( for sponsoring our event. Do you know that they are the first commercial bank in Asia and was the first institution to print Philippine Peso? Cool, right?

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