The Gift of Hope

I once read a quote that says "Never deprive anyone of hope because it might be all they have left".  I was 13 years old when I read that in Robert Fulghum's book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. I read it in passing but the quote has somehow stayed with me and I am constantly reminded of it through the years. Hope, i came to understand, is such a simple yet powerful concept.

 

The toughest season of my life started two months before Christmas of 2006 when our first child, Tyler, was born. I can still remember having my two best friends sitting on my hospital bed when my mom delivered the sad news to me. Tyler had facial palsy on the left side of his face. I remember slowly processing that thought and asking questions I knew they had no answers to. I remember those nights I pretended to sleep beside Tyler by holding his picture on our digital camera on my pillow.  Or those days when I would instinctively turn on the camera first thing in the morning to look at his face once again.  I remember the first time Tyler held my hand on that November 24 morning while he was inside the incubator. I remember feeling overjoyed because I felt that he knew I was his mom. I remember the scent of the alcohol in the NICU that I tried searching for it in the groceries long after Tyler was gone. 

 

I can tell you a 1,001 things I remember during those two months with Tyler in our lives. I remember every feeling, every thought, every smell.  Because when you only get to spend two months with your child, you scramble inside your brain to try and remember every moment of it.

Through all of those random thoughts, one thing remain consistent in every day of Tyler's life. I remember praying. Praying hard. On my knees. Every single day.  Every moment I can. My days were filled with streams of conversations with the Lord.  I remember attending worship Sunday after Sunday. I remember going down on my knees as we sang. I remember my cousin embracing me and crying with me throughout the song.  I remember regularly attending prayer meetings and feeling comforted by the prayers lifted up for Tyler.  I remember how one of our church mates prayed over me in Chinese. I could not understand all the words but I remember feeling the Lord's peace wash over me. I remember finding solace in God's church, with God's people.

 

Prayer was my anchor during those times. One thing I came to realize recently was that during those two months, God's best gift to me was delivered through prayer. Consistently praying to the Lord gave me hope. Hope that my future is safe in God's hands. Hope that God's got my back.  Hope,  I realized, is a by-product of prayer. When we seek God and pray around His promises, then we are encouraged to repeatedly not lose hope.

 

While we all know that Tyler was not eventually healed, I realized that the power of prayer during those months was my power to carry on. Hope was God's gift to us.

 

It has been nine years since those difficult days. God has turned our sorrow into dancing.  It was not an easy path but God has been with us every step of the way. We went through two other pregnancies without fear because God has constantly been our hope. We are now blessed us with two beautiful children who will always be a testament of God's love and faithfulness over our family.

 

That, my friends, is the power of prayer.

 

 

Know Tyler's story:

• Tyler's Testimony - http://densandfan.blogspot.com/2011/08/tylers-testimoney-blogged-november-28.html
• A Letter to Heaven - http://densandfan.blogspot.com/2011/10/letter-to-heaven.html
• 65 Days with Tyler - http://densandfan.blogspot.com/2012/10/65-days-with-tyler.html 
• One Sad December Morning - http://densandfan.blogspot.com/2012/12/one-sad-december-morning.html 
• Remember 2006 - http://densandfan.blogspot.com/2013/10/remembering-2006.html
• I Will See You in Heaven - http://densandfan.blogspot.com/2014/04/i-will-see-you-in-heaven.html