Three Things I Learned One Rainy Saturday Morning
>> Wednesday, September 26, 2012 –
discipline,
learning,
new beginnings,
parenting,
reflection
It was flooded in Buendia and the rain was pouring non-stop. But I was determined to join the other moms in a parenting talk lead by Coach Pia Acevedo. I knew it will be worth it. And I was right.
As with all of our New Beginnings talks, I learned a number of practical things that will guide me to become a better parent to my children. Today, I’d like to share with you a few main points that I took away from our last session.
1. Fill Your Child with Unconditional Love
This is such a cliché but a very important concept that a lot of parents forget. We get so involved in implementing our house rules that sometimes that we forget to show our child how much we love them. If the child is filled with love, then he will understand that you discipline because you want to make him a better person. The rules are not there to punish him. When implementing house rules, Coach Pia gave a very important reminder: Never let your child feel that the rules are more important than them.
2. Respect Natural Consequences
‘I Told You So’ is something that we often hear ourselves saying. You know that thought bubble in our heads when our husbands make that left turn when you said he should turn right…Yep, that’s the one. I learned from Coach Pia that saying ‘I Told You So’ is a form of humiliation. It’s like rubbing salt to an open wound. The person already knows he made a mistake – why do you need to reiterate it to him?
It’s the same with our kids. When we already told our child not to climb up the chair because it’s painful when he falls, don’t we often instinctively say ‘See, I told you not to climb!’ when he does fall? When they fall and hurt themselves, they are already reminded of your instruction to them. I am pretty sure they learned their lesson already. They don’t need us to reiterate it to them when they’re already hurting.
When they feel bad about losing a favorite toy, our kids do not need us to make them feel worse. The natural consequence for them is that the toy is gone. It’s already a moment of learning for them. I love what Coach Pia did when her son lost his favorite DS. She went out and helped her son looked for the toy. No ‘sermon’ was necessary. He already learned his lesson.
3. Give Your Child Their Time in the Sun
What I love most about being a progressive parent is realizing that there is no ‘one size fits all’ method of parenting. Parenting books are there as our guide but ultimately, we need to be sensitive to our child’s needs and encourage them to be unique. This is also very important for families with kids of the same gender. Don’t force the same activities that the elder one wants to the younger sibling. If anything, it will even be beneficial to encourage different activities. Coach Pia shared with us how her eldest loved to play the guitar. So when her second child started showing interest in playing musical instruments, they encouraged him to try anything BUT the guitar. Why? So that they will have their own strengths. I thought this was a very smart move and would greatly avoid sibling rivalry.
Let your child shine! Don’t force them to shine under the shadows of someone else.
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