The First Time I Met My Children
>> Wednesday, November 13, 2013 –
baby,
baby dry skin,
breastfeeding,
c-section,
dawn,
new baby,
new beginnings,
newborn,
reflection,
troy,
tyler
Do you still remember the first time you met your children? I do. It was very different for all three of them. I'd like to share my story with you.
My pregnancy with Troy was the most joyful one. I had very little morning sickness and i was happy most of the time. We prayed for a little boy. More than the blue-decorated nursery in our house, I knew that since we lost Tyler, there is that longing in my heart to be a mother to a healthy baby boy. God saw my heart and answered our prayers. I felt very connected with Troy during my pregnancy. I would talk to him and read stories to him. I already 'knew' him even before he was born. Then March 7 came and i gave birth to Troy. Dens wheeled me to the nursery, 24 hours post surgery, to breastfeed Troy. I was about to meet him for the first time (save for those few glimpses that i had in the operating room). I excitedly waited in the breastfeeding room for him. It felt like meeting Dens again for the first time after over a month of talking daily over the phone (but that's another story). I wondered how he looked like and how he would react to me. Then the nurse came in with Troy. He was bundled in a light blue blanket and was handed over to me. I carried him and looked at him. My first thought was 'Oh wow, he's so beautiful.' I also remember thinking how he amazingly looks so much like Tyler. I kept looking at him and cannot seem to fathom that this perfect little baby that i am carrying is my own. Then i started to struggle with the concept of motherhood. What was i supposed to say to him now? What do i do with him? It was a concept i cannot seem to immediately grasp. I felt disconnected somehow. It did truly feel like the first time i met Dens in person. There was a brief moment of awkwardness even though we were already so close over the phone. But just like that, the awkward feeling immediately went away. Tears started to form as i continued to look at this baby who also stared back at me. He is so healthy. He is my child. I held him tighter and i felt my heart swell with so much love and pride. I was filled with gratitude for this gift of life. I was officially a mom again.
Dawn came three years later. During my pregnancy, I often felt tired and i hardly had the chance to read stories to Dawn. I was also busy doing my online shopping for girls' clothes and conducting surveys for girls' names more than anything. I was just excited to have a girl added to our small family. The day after I gave birth to Dawn was the first time I was to meet her in person. I found myself waiting excitedly in that same breastfeeding room once again. I looked around the room and saw the familiar breastfeeding pumps and storage bags. They did not feel foreign anymore. I felt more at ease. Then the nurse came in with this tiny baby wrapped in a baby pink blanket. And it felt different the this time. Even though i did not feel any connection during pregnancy, i somehow immediately felt drawn to her the moment i laid my eyes on her. One look at her and i knew she was my child. My first thought was "She's so pretty!" I couldn't believe a baby can already look gender-specific. She truly looked like a girl. I looked at her and i felt complete. She was another answer to my prayers. Another prophecy fulfilled. I was just amazed.
Meeting our children for the first time can come in different forms. Some of you may feel that instant connection like i did with Dawn, while others may also struggle with the idea of mothering a child like i did with Troy. Regardless of how your first meeting will become, one thing is certain. It will all lead to this feeling of pure and unconditional love. A love so fierce that overwhelms you. And from that moment on, you will stay in love forever.
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